We have talked a lot in recent days about the importance of attending to the crying of babies and also of the forms of education that we have received and that we reproduce trying to correct the little ones with whips, punishments or screams. Although this behavior is almost internalized as normal and without consequences many parents would like breed whipping and change the process by achieving more empathic and respectful communication with their children, treating them as logically all human beings would like to be treated. But how to achieve that more empathic upbringing and that respectful communication?
It may seem complicated if we do not have the necessary resources and we have not internalized that children cannot be treated in a way that would be inadmissible towards an adult, especially if he or she is in a position of dependence or helplessness as is the case with children.
Our frustrations and tensions sometimes make us explode, but doing so with children should produce more rejection even than if we do it with an adult. For parents who saw that their parents did it and assume that it happens to them too, this may result in behavior that they know to be incorrect but that cannot change. But it is possible to learn how to breed without whipping.
For all those parents who want to learn to breed whipping, control their anger or nerves and treat their children with the same respect with which they treat other people but fail to do so there are ideas, strategies and even simple tricks that can be very helpful to work the change in their behavior. Today we will learn that adults are wrong and we will see an example: the case of the supermarket.
We adults are wrong
You are right. It seems we have trouble accepting it, but it's true, adults are wrong. Adults behave badly sometimes, we have tantrums, tantrums, we are overwhelmed by circumstances, we are tired and we explode and that leads us to behave badly, to be rude, violent, aggressive and vindictive.
It really costs nothing to admit it. It is liberating and healing. There is no need to fear guilt, because recognizing failures is essential to correct them. We lose our nerves but with whom we allow ourselves to pass limits that we would not spend with anyone it is with the children, as if nothing happened to do it because we do not accept that, if our parents did it, they hurt us with it. Did you traumatize us? Well, I can't answer that, but it certainly hurt us that they hit us with a whip or a smack, they threatened to stop loving us and call us ugly things.
And once we accept that it hurts whether you are a child or an adult, we can decide that we do not want to repeat that mistake and we will surely find a way to educate without whipping.
The supermarket case
A boy is in the supermarket with his mother. She carries the baby brother in the stroller. The boy is three years old, tired and bored, runs through the halls, throws himself on the floor. You are in a place and in a situation that you do not understand and that is not suitable for your needs. Can not be more. He ends up crying lying on the floor because he wants a candy store or because he has thrown playing some boats from the shelf.
His mother can no more. The baby is hungry, she has to go home and give her the tit or run the bottle, and she has hardly slept. His back hurts, his stomach hurts, but most of all he is ashamed of the way people look at his son lying on the floor, he feels bad mother, he wants to stop this and get home as soon as possible. It explodes.
He grabs the boy's arm and forces him to stand up. It gives a whip. The boy keeps crying. He tells her that it is bad, that she has enough, that as she continues to cry, her face is going to break, that she will stop loving him ... I have heard all the variants, shouting or with a low voice, threatening faces and some really irreproducible swear words here .
In some cases, he will end up buying the goodie so that the child calms down, although he will continue to crush him with how bad he has behaved and how unpleasant he is. Others will not give in, and it will almost drag him away, until the child has a monumental tantrum or ends up crying very softly, without already knowing what was happening to him.
Actually, buying or not the bauble is not the answer, the solution to the case does not happen to share or not something that we really do not consider inappropriate for the health of the child because other days if we have offered it. The solution goes through three things: avoid the situation, understand what is happening to the child and better manage our emotions as an adult.
Is there another way to approach this situation?
I have some answers for this situation which is only an example of the daily realities that lead to communication breakdown and parents lose patience, containment and respect for their children, hit or insult and threaten them, always with very limited success. Because the issue is that cheating or shouting is of no use because it does not change the reasons for the problem and this will be reproduced again and again for exhaustion and grief of all involved.
However, before continuing I invite you to participate in the resolution of the case, with your answers that things can be done to avoid, redirect or face a situation like the one in the example.
In the next topic I will continue analyzing the case and contributing ideas to help parents who decide to learn to breed whipping, in a more empathetic and respectful way, without their children going to make their existence bitter, but quite the opposite, achieving a happier coexistence for all.
In Babies and more | Educate with respect, Punishment is an uneducated method
