The former Manchester United captain, Rio Ferdinand, had it all. Fame, money and a beautiful family. But one bad day, life gave him a big setback. His wife Rebecca Ellison, 34, died of breast cancer ten weeks after he was diagnosed. His life fell apart. Suddenly, he found himself a widower, unable to do anything and with three young children to care for.
It happened two years ago and only now is he able to look back and take stock of what that dramatic stage of his life meant in a BBC documentary entitled "Rio Ferdinand: being a mom and dad".
Not doing anything to be dad and mom
Tributes from around world after death of Rebecca Ellison, wife of #mufc legend @ rioferdy5 //t.co/m3zlOY7JfT pic.twitter.com/JaT8z2wrdB
- Manchester News MEN (@MENnewsdesk) May 2, 2015
Not only did he have to deal with the personal drama of losing his wife, but he had to live up to accompany his children, Lorenz, 11 years old; Tate, 8, and Tia, 6, who had lost their mother.
"Now I understand the importance she had as a mother. We men are ignorant. Many women take care of the family and the home, and we believe that this is not a job. It is a very hard job."Ferdinand acknowledges in the documentary that I didn't know how to do anything at all. His wife took care of everything, while he only played football. I didn't know how to call a doctor, let alone take care of the daily management of a house and three young children.
"In football a finger is not raised until you enter the field to play. Everything was done to me. Your kit is already in your locker. And when you change, you throw it on the ground and leave it. Then someone comes, picks it up and he takes it. The same goes for the boots, full of mud. When you arrive at an airport, you don't even look at a sign, you just have to follow the feet of others, "he says.
When he died, he realized that He hadn't valued everything his wife did on a day-to-day basis. Small things that make a family work, a silent and sacrificial job that many men do not value.
A new life
After the death of his wife, he was overcome by the situation. He retired from football a month after losing his wife, when he played at the Queen Park Rangers. He found comfort in the drink and even seriously considered suicide.
"I can understand now why a person can contemplate suicide when he loses his partner.""At first I drank a lot at night after putting the children to bed. Until one day I woke up, and I was not able to take them to school. I even had a car accident. And I realized that I could not continue like this. I suffered panic attacks. I needed help, "he confesses.
It took almost a year to seek help. He began therapy to help himself and be able to accompany his children to overcome the drama they lived. I thought I would be unable to do it, but with help and a lot of love, they all started building a new life without their mother.
His biggest concern was that his children would talk about their mother and express how they felt, but at the beginning it was not easy. "I didn't know any technique to discuss this with the children. I didn't know which button to touch," he confessed.
The drawings were the best way to release those feelings. "Like everything suddenly opened and it was a nice moment when I saw them talking happily about their mother. It was like going from darkness to light".
It's hard to imagine how hard it can be to face the death of your life partner. Even more when you had everything given and believed that it would never touch you. Now His highest priority is the happiness of his children. Finish the documentary with a hopeful message.
"I think there is still a lot to work. At the beginning I was wondering 'how will I be happy again?'. But I see the children and their smiles and I think that is a good reason to get ahead."
