We have already spoken on occasion of childhood fears, a natural and universal phenomenon that sooner or later appears in all children. And, although these fears are usually passengers, as parents we must promote the prevention and overcoming of childhood fears, as well as prudent behavior in dangerous situations.
Childhood fears are part of a growth process, but they can also be warning signs, so they should not be minimized and, in the face of new manifestations, we must think about whether they derive from new circumstances in the lives of children (separation from parents, school, change of address ...).
These are some tips on how to act against childhood fears, always taking into account that it is not about eliminating fears, since they are part of our survival instinct and the evolutionary development of the human being. Fear is only negative if it becomes pathological, a phobia, or if it derives from a traumatic event.
- Avoid manifesting our fears (We talk about irrational fears or phobias) in front of children, since fear can be transmitted from parents to children through observation learning. Our fears could interfere with the disappearance of children's fear by preventing them from exploring their surroundings. For example, if we don't like clowns, or tigers, should we prevent our children from having those stuffed animals? If we are afraid of the sea and avoid the contact of the little ones with it, the lack of experience could influence the consolidation of these "inherited" phobias.
- We must educate them in prudence towards the really or potentially dangerous. That is, one should not be afraid of the sea, but be prudent in it. Do not be afraid of dogs, but be cautious in front of them. Because at some point we cannot control, they could be dangerous and cause us harm.
- Related to the previous point, we have to offer you correct models of action against these dangerous elements. That is, we are the first to handle the fire or approach prudently unknown animals ...
- When they are young, select the appropriate children's readings, telling pleasant stories, free of terror and truculent events, although most stories (especially traditional) include these elements as preparers and strengthening for adult life according to many scholars.
- The same as the readings we can say about the movies, avoiding those of terror and violence.
- When there is fear of being alone, autonomy can be promoted and the independence of the little ones when they grow up. Normally, they claim that space themselves, and realize that being alone does not mean being afraid if they know that we will be there when they need us, we will come to their side. For example, if when they are sleeping suddenly they hear something or think something that causes them fear, and they cry, or call us, it is best to go to reassure them and speak to them calmly until the anguish disappears. No one better than us to achieve it.
- Related to the previous point, we can say that it is about avoiding overprotection (not protection; where one begins and the other ends, we will have to make an effort to know).
- When there are going to be changes in our lives (school, change of house, city, separations ...) you should try to make gradual changes in the environment to accustom them to novel situations, and of course explaining the reasons for these changes.
- Courageous behaviors can be reinforced in children. Small steps to the water, to a doll that he did not like before ... can be the object of congratulation and verbal rationalization.
- Conversely, never threaten fearful elements, much less if they are irrational like "Coconut is coming", "Look I bring you the clown" ...
- Telling them "the truth" about witches, ogres ... will help them to stop being unknown elements to them.
- Do not criticize or punish the child for being afraid, but convince him not to be ashamed for being afraid: we are all afraid of something. In this way we prevent you from shutting down your fears and helping them to express them, which will help us to accompany you in that fear and solve it. We must try to rationalize the fear and that little by little I understand that it is something temporary. Nor should it be compared with other children ("your sister is not afraid" ...).
- A great way to interact with them while providing them with self-protection mechanisms is to teach them skills in relaxation and self-control. Also play with them when they are afraid.
- When we think that they are prepared, we can approach them to the stimulating stimulus of fear in a progressive way, accompanied by us and always in an environment of well-being of the child, which will give way to overcoming fears.
But above all we have to Know how to listen, understand their fears and dedicate enough time To our little ones. Talk to them calmly, rhythms and leisurely movements, that feel our closeness and physical contact and explain to them the nature of their fears ...
