Shouting at children damages their self-esteem: educate without shouting

Often, shouting is not seen as a form of violence against the child. Almost all parents have ever yelled at their children and many do so regularly, but we should know that shouting at children damages their self-esteem and for that, avoid doing it.

As parents, who want to sow a solid personality in our children, we should have more self-control before raising their voices because shouting at them we are leaving an irreversible psychological imprint that is not erased later with a kiss and a hug.

The screams are violence

As Ramón Soler told us in an interview he gave us for the blog, "Screams, threats and blackmails are psychological violence", are manifestations of abuse, even if it costs us to see it.

The adults are us, and we are the parents who have to find and put into practice the tools to not lose control, know how to control anger and not explode when situations seem to overcome us.

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Because it is logical, we are all parents and live daily with children situations that put us on the edge of the abyss. In seconds we are able to become reckless monsters. The question we have to ask ourselves is, do we want our children to see us like this? Do we want to be reckless monsters or understanding parents?

The worst is that the scream has no turning back. As much as we ask for forgiveness for losing our nerves and showing love, The damage is already done And nothing can help it.

It's scientifically proved

Many times you think "If you total for a couple of shouts, what will happen to you"but it is scientifically proven the effects that screams in childhood have on children.

The University of Pittsburgh and the University of Michigan have collaborated in a joint study, published by the journal Child development, in which they have monitored the behavior of almost a thousand families composed of father, mother and children between 13 and 14 years.

45% of the mothers and 42% of the parents admitted to having shouted and in some cases insulted their children. The researchers checked the effects of that verbal violence on children and found that they had developed various behavioral problems in the following year compared to children who had not received screams.

The problems range from discussions with classmates, difficulties in school performance, lies to parents, fights at school, shoplifting and symptoms of sudden sadness and depression.

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The effects of screaming

All these behavioral problems arise because the screams gradually undermine their self-esteem and their self-confidence. Not to mention if insults are also used as "useless" or "lazy."

The child ends up believing that he is useless or lazy, or even more labels Light We usually put them as clumsy, silly, etc.

The screams do not leave physical sequels, but psychological and emotional. Growing up with a familiar pattern where screams are common currency makes them insecure, withdrawn and end up believing that it is the only way to assert themselves, subjecting another to screaming.

Avoid shouting is possible

Nobody says that it is easy, especially when we have been raised in a house with shouts and when we usually begin to do so with our own children.

But it is never too late to modify behaviors that we recognize are harmful to our children. We love them and we want the best for them.

At times when we feel overwhelmed, when we feel that we are about to lose control and anger takes over us, we must stop before the volcano explodes.

In the first place, anger must be recognized in order to stop and control it. Then download our frustration in another way that is not through the shouts towards our children.

The important thing is to know that you can educate children in another way, because shouting at children damages their self-esteem, leaving an indelible mark on them in a stage of life in which they are building their personality.

Video: The Truth About Yelling At Kids - Gordon Neufeld, PhD (March 2020).