Well, we will continue talking about the cries that fathers and mothers give to our children, either because they do not obey, or to stop a behavior that we consider incorrect or that is dangerous, or because we are simply overwhelmed or exhausted. Few parents are happy to use the screams but, Do screams really harm children?
I have spoken with two experts in violence prevention, the psychologist Mónica Serrano and the biologist Irene García Perulero, which focus their professional activity on the comprehensive care of families to offer their vision on different aspects of the consequences of screaming and, specifically, about the damage they produce.
In the preceding weeks I have explained the reasons why we shout at children without wanting to do so and the reasons that I believe we share in wanting to stop yelling at them. But there is more, today I want to deepen the real damages that, on a physical and psychological level, the screams produce.
One of the reasons in which the parents who usually seek to justify or calm their regrets seek shout a lot at the children they shouted at them and "they have not gone so bad." But it is that we all, to some extent, come from nurtures in which violence was not eradicated and it is very difficult for us to break with the past and recognize that our parents, who loved us so much and cared for us so much, hurt us unintentionally.
Why are we really so good? The human being is resilient and survives the worst tragedies, even being able to make pain a source of growth and learning. But that is one thing and another to settle for repeating parenting patterns that justify or use violence as educational.
Today I share with you the conversation I have had with Irene García Perulero, biologist, biochemistry researcher, mother, writer and lecturer.
What are the physical mechanisms of stress and fear that a child shouts at his parents?
The shout is an alarm signal or an anger signal. When we shout, we not only shout words but we accompany the cry of nonverbal language. In principle, both types of screaming can produce the same response, which is the activation of typical alarm signals.
What are these physiological responses to the alarm?
Adrenaline is secreted, the heart beats faster. This could happen for example when your child is going to put his fingers in the plug and the only thing that comes out is to shout at him that no. The most likely answer is that the child will be paralyzed. When the shout is angry it is part of a communication when less aggressive. The shout is accompanied by words that show anger and normally threatening gestures.
How is the child's reaction to the threat?
In such a situation, the child can react in two typical ways, depending on his age, his character and other personal or specific circumstances. The typical response to a threat is attack or flight. In older children or adolescents a confrontation can occur. In younger children, being more vulnerable, the most typical response will be flight, which is reflected, for example, in that they shrink over themselves, put their hands in a position of defense, etc., since a very young child cannot leave.
And when are they usual?
If the screams are repeated and continuous, an increase in cortisol levels occurs, since a chronic stress situation occurs. In the long term, helplessness can occur.
What effects in the medium and long term does this have on physical health receiving screams and feeling threatened in a habitual or quite habitual way?
Cortisol, the stress hormone, is involved in many physiological mechanisms, from the control of the immune system or the metabolism of sugars to the structure of the hippocampus. So its effects can be very varied. It is known that chronic stress produced for example by abusive relationships in school can increase the risk of chronic inflammatory diseases in adulthood. Cortisol is used as an indicator of chronic stress and chronic stress has been related even to a shorter life expectancy, since it is related to a shorter length of the chromosome telomeres.
Could biology help parents who don't know how to contain themselves?
Making ourselves aware of the biological mechanisms that trigger when we shout at our children helps a lot to not ignore the consequences of our actions.
What can we do?
Obviously reducing stress on the parents themselves greatly improves the relationship with their children. The screams may be due to an accumulation of stress in the parents, being a father is hard, but this does not have as much to do with biology as with personal and social circumstances. Apart from reducing stress on the parents themselves, the rest is more a work of personal growth and commitment to our own children. And also with us, improving communication with our children reduces our own stress. All these mechanisms are usually positive feedback.
We will continue talking next week of the consequences of shouting on children and, in particular, the damage at the psychological and emotional level they can cause.
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