I am quite tired of hearing parents say that "children come without an instruction manual", as if something like that were really necessary and they were not able to educate their children without such manual. If they talk jokingly, I don't care, of course, but I see a really distressed father, as if aimlessly, without being very clear if they are doing the right thing, when in reality you know how to educate children.
For lack of confidence, because they have been told and have not believed that it is the most logical way to educate them, because they prefer to do it as their parents did with them, etc., the fact is that there is a lot of advice on parenting that everyone They know but then, for whatever reason, they don't carry out. Well, we tell you today: the 14 parenting tips that all parents know but few meet.
1. Treat your child with the same respect with which you would like to be treated
If you have never heard it as a sure advice you have heard it as a commandment of the church: do not do to anyone what you do not want them to do to you, or love your neighbor as yourself. It is a way of saying that you should treat your child with the same respect with which you treat any adult, and with the same respect with which you would like to be treated, both now and when you were a child.
2. Contact him to explain what you are going to do
And not only because the more you talk to him before he will speak, but above all because a good relationship is based on trust and communication. Start from when you are little, explaining what you are going to do at all times, if you are going to dress him, if you are going to bathe him, if you are going to play later, if you are going for a walk, if you have to go shopping. That's how it gets used to hearing you and you get used to communicating with your baby, who will later be a child and who will also need your dialogue to continue learning to live.
3. Put yourself in his place
Both when he is a baby and when he is older. One of the causes that many parents emotionally distance themselves from their children, and make them feel bad, is that they fail to understand them. Maybe they expect more from them, maybe they demand what they can't do, or maybe they get angry because they see in them the same defects that they have. The fact is that the parents' reaction may not be fair and they would realize it if they managed to empathize with their child, put themselves in their place and try to understand what they feel, how they feel it and why. Sometimes it is enough to do that exercise and speak it to approach positions and try to find constructive solutions.
4. Tell him you love him
That seems obvious to them, but it is not. We all like to feel loved, and surely they often need you to tell them what you feel. "I am very happy to have you here", "I love that you are my son", "I love you very much" and things like that It will help them feel loved and important part of the family.
5. Ask him to do what you do, not what you don't do
Be consistent and don't ask him to do what you don't do. You only have moral authority to ask him to do what you do, because in the end the example is more important than the words. That way it is much easier for you to internalize the values as your own and do things because you think they should be that way, rather than because "Dad has told me to do it because yes, period."
6. Spend time with him
For a relationship to be adequate, for it to flow, for there to be trust and love, there must be communication and there must be time together. Enjoy his presence, make him enjoy yours: play together, laugh, explain stories, stories, anecdotes.
7. Ask forgiveness if you were wrong
That? Ask your son for forgiveness? Of course. If you want to teach your child to ask for forgiveness when he is wrong You have to be able to ask for forgiveness when you're wrong. If not, you will run the risk that his pride and his need to avoid a possible reprimand turn his apologies into a lie: "I have not been", "is that he has told me to do it", "is that ...".
8. Listen to him when he has something to tell you
Not everything that is learned from a father-son relationship is what he learns from us, because he learns a lot by himself, and he is not alone. You have to learn with him to live life in another way, from his illusion, his innocence, his pure mind, his goodness. Things you've already forgotten but he still keeps intact, so that can give you amazing life lessons.
That's why it's important that you listen to him, pay attention to him. Sometimes he will tell you something incredible, sometimes he will just want to solve some doubt, sometimes it will be something inconsequential and sometimes he may be wanting to say something important to you, giving detours for not knowing how to express it, and do not realize it because of something else.
If you notice that you don't listen enough he will stop explaining banal things to you, but perhaps what really worries him.
9. Do not tag him
We are all very likely to label people to make them fit into our personal classification and help us know how to proceed with each one, to determine whether or not we want to have a conversation, to feel more or less admiration, more or less affection, more or less less whatever. We also do it with children: the heavy one, the one who doesn't shut up, the one who speaks little, the shy, the insecure, the chulito, the vivacious, the impolite, the envious, the hustler ... and with our children we can fall into it error, which increases if we verbalize it above: "how bad you are", "what a disaster", "how heavy" ... Do not do it. If you don't like something about his behavior tell him about it, but don't generalize. It is more worth telling him "try to be more careful next time, that this week you have dropped twice the glass of water" that "you are a disaster, I do not even know why I let you drink water in a glass ...".
10. Don't be afraid to tell him no
We have been saying for a while that we must respect them, listen to them, talk, and it seems that in the end it is the child who has to have the handle by the pan. Actually, the thing to keep in mind is that there is no pan, but two lives that converge in time, with different pasts, different futures, but the same present. Let's say we have to be able to help them the time we are together to promote their future is better, or at least to help them be who they want to be.
And it is in that function to say no when we think we should do it. How much? How many times not? Those in which it is necessary, but considering that he who says more times "no" is not a better father, but he who knows when he has to say it. Because saying it too much causes me to lose value and we run the risk of ending up in the absurd scene of saying no a lot of times and the children ignore it, ending with a "if they don't pay attention to me."
The "No" has to serve so that they know that we do not agree with what they are doing or are going to do, and to explain to them why and offer alternatives.
11. Don't yell at him
It is linked with respect. Shouting at them is not an appropriate resource because they either feel humiliated and do not learn from what you are saying, or they end up getting used to screaming (like when you go to school and you get a teacher who screams all the time and in the end you only get results screaming more and more), or they end up learning that it is a normal and correct way of relating, also shouting at other people (to you) to try to get the reason.
12. Do not become his butler
Take advantage that he is able to do many things, more and more, to do them. That It will give you autonomy in your self-care and autonomy as a person, helping you grow and take responsibility for your things. Of course, if you do it, you all go faster, but that way you will always have to do it.
13. Do not deny your comfort
When I cry, when I need you, when I ask for help. You are the one who can provide comfort and you should not fall into the error of thinking that "he is older to cry", "he is older to ask for arms", "he is older to get angry like that" ... you may feel it when compared to other children his age, but then the mistake will be to compare it, because maybe it's because is a more sensitive child or has a greater sense of justice than other children, and this can be positive in reality.
In other words, we are not all equal and what is important for us may not be for them, and vice versa. So when your child asks for your presence, your arms, your comfort, you should not deny it. Little by little, he will learn to manage these moments, but the ideal is that when faced with a problem, they externalize what they feel, and not that they keep it.
14. Validates your feelings
Continuing with the previous point, we have to give validity to what they feel, to what they tell us, to what they express. Society is determined to let babies cry and not let children cry, when it is logical that we do the opposite, that we care for babies and that let the elders cry, if they feel they should do it.
Forcing him to keep his feelings, denying them, will make them feel insecure with themselves, because they will think that what they feel is not right, that it is wrong to feel hurt, that it is not good to show pain and indignation. If this happens, our child will become another relatively numb person, part of the great social flock that is silent even when they are taking away even dignity.
Why do I say that many parents don't meet them?
Because they don't have time, because they don't feel like it, because they can't control themselves, because they lose patience. They lose respect for their children because they prefer to control them with a shout or a threat instead of explaining things to them. They do not put themselves in the place of their children because they do not feel like suffering, or even in their imagination, what they already lived as children. They are asked to do things that they did not do as children and that, in many cases, do not even do now. They don't spend enough time together, not to say they don't spend time with them. They tell them too much that they don't, or absolutely nothing for fear of traumatizing them, they become their stewards to go faster and consider that the best way to help them grow is by letting them cry when they are little, and telling them not to complain when they are older.
And yet, sure that on more than one occasion they have read these tips, they have heard them from someone or their common sense has told them that it is logical to do so.
Are they the best tips? I think so, but each one must decide whether to follow them or not, Sure.
Photos | iStock
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