I am a father of three children, and I have been a father for 10 years. In these 10 years I have spent nights of all types: nights when I slept badly because the baby woke up often, nights when I slept better because the baby woke up but she gave her the tit and horrible nights because there was no tit , and she attended them as much as I did.
And all this without her working for the day in any place where they paid her a salary. Then, the years go by and I find out that there are many parents who sleep in another room, while mom and the child rest together and share awakenings, or parents who sleep with her and do not get up to take care of their child because they work, "but they do not". And then there are those who, even while working, do not get up either. When you find out that other parents don't get up at night to take care of their children because "they work and mom doesn't"
Dad charges money, but mom doesn't
I've always done it that way because I've always been quite clear that there are few jobs that tire more than taking care of a child. And in the case of my wife, take care of three children. Feed them, day and night. Play with them. Go shopping with them. Clean the house. Pick up the toys. Carry the smallest in your arms more than half the time. Pick up the toys again. Try to fold clean clothes. Clean the kitchen after the little one eats like a sprinkler. Convince in the middle that it is normal to eat before going to school in the afternoon, and not vice versa. Pick up the toys again. Go out to the park with the snack. To make meals. Bathe the children. Take them to school. Be the agenda of all of them and control what touches when. Bring them from school. Pick up the toys ... and I'm still leaving a lot of things.
I arrived from work and got down to work with the children, the house or whatever it took, working as a team (as I still do now), and many days I had (and I have) to do a massage at the end of the day , I to her, to try to lower a little the level of tension, pain and contractures of her back.
But of course: she doesn't charge money. He has never charged for his mother's job. No one has paid it, and nobody has recognized enough for everything he has done for 10 years to get the children and their family forward. So no, it doesn't quote, it doesn't charge, but yes it works.
What is the difference then? That there is no payroll at the end of the month, and consequently he has no right to sleep just like the father, I deduce.
But ... you can take a nap!
Yes, if you have a baby, or only one small child, maybe yes. If you have two, I don't believe. And if he has three, he may ask you “What the hell is a nap? The nap is the parents… they don't exist. ” And the same happens if you tell me "But if you are very tired for a bad night, then that day works less." And I will tell you the same thing: if you have only one child, yes. If you have two or three, impossible. Children must be taken to school, whether alive or dead. And the food is not made alone. And the house goes on with you or without you. And it better be with you, because if not, everything falls apart.
And eye, that the fatigue is very bad, and more if it becomes chronic. Because discussions begin with the children, and especially with the couple. And it won't matter if I do little or do a lot. Even so, it will seem to you that it does nothing, and that you do everything. And the problems and competitions that we have commented on other occasions begin, when you start telling each other everything you have done that day, and try to quantify the fatigue of each thing to see who is more depleted of the two, and who has to do the following to equalize you in exhaustion.
Also, does she not have to wake up in the best possible conditions? When we work it is clear that you have to get to work in the best possible way. Going to work done a rag is horrible ... you don't even give up as you should. But dawn in the morning made a rag at home, it is also horrible: caring for a child also requires a mother who has been able to rest, and not yawning at 12 noon, while the kid is climbing to I don't know which table for the fourth time.
The joker of the tit
Because while there's a tit, we parents have that wild card:
- The child cries.
- Give it a tit.
- I've been giving you a tit all night ... I can't anymore.
- Ok, I take it ... (a minute later, the boy is still crying).
- Arggghhhh! Bring it to me, what a tit!
And in the end she takes care, day after day, even if she gets up with a back made a four, her arms asleep and her head looking at Cuenca for the torticollis she has.
But when they grow up and suck less, and dad can take over because they want some arms, some water or they feel bad, Why her and not me? Have we not agreed that your work may become the same or more tired than mine?
Or perhaps it is less, because then we will see what we do (here each couple must reach their particular consensus). But do all women really think so? And their partners too? Do you really think it is less tiring to be at home? Because the day I stayed in the care of my children and the house I have been about to ask for vacations. Yes, that everything is getting used to and taking the routines, but rest, what is said to rest, there is not much time for it.
And then there are those who also work salaried
Finally there are the couples in which dad and mom work outside the home. Who gets up at night? Her or him? Both? Well, again, there is everything, but there are many cases in which it is she who takes care of the children at night because she is the mother. And so the woman ends up sucking her work, the house and the children, duplicating in many cases the work that he can do.
And then, what should parents do? And the mothers?
This is when I shut up. I don't know what parents have to do, nor what mothers have to do. And much less if I consider that each family has a functioning, that there are men with very demanding jobs and others with much less demanding jobs, that there are couples with one child and couples with several, that there are women who are exhausted at home and women who wear it much better, or who do a lot at home, and others who don't do so much, or ...
Each family is a different reality, and each family has to decide how to work. Here, the only thing I do is explain the picture that I have from my perspective of a reality ... a subjective opinion of something I see and never ceases to amaze me. See that I have been involved all these years in the nights of my children and that other parents have not, when they have worked for the day, at least, the same as them.
Really, is this never going to change?
Photos | iStock, Pedro Klien on Flickr
In Babies and more | In the first year of the baby, parents lose more than 700 hours of sleep, Having a child would be something wonderful and perfect if they slept all night, Most parents consider themselves as equally involved as the mother in caring for the baby
