Two days ago we published an entry of those that one would never want to publish, but that ends up feeling necessary to give a touch of attention to both the world of health professionals and that of the women who are going to give birth and end up justifying the obstetric violence to the that were submitted because your babies are fine: "I can't speak badly about them because my baby is alive, and that's the important thing."
The critics intended to make it known, to show the voices of mothers who have suffered, to open the eyes of society, women and men, so that they knew what a professional, with the abuse of his authority, can say and do.
But sometimes it is not enough to put your finger in the sore and you have to go further, showing not only what is wrong, but also what's right. That is why today we leave you with ** more than 30 wonderful stories that you can live in a hospital when you give birth and that can make a difference.
Why explain the positive part? Shouldn't it always be like this?
Precisely for that. Why It should always be that way, but it isn't. Precisely because that is what should prevail: respect, affection, support, humility, empathy and professionalism of people who should only be protagonists of a birth if something gets complicated. Professionals who must be there to help women make decisions, to move forward, to try to get the inner strength they all have, to give them courage to go one step further, to control their fears, their blockages, their anguish when they reach the Very scary hospital thinking about everything that could go wrong.
It is known that women who feel confident in their abilities and who receive close, valid and useful support they can have a normal delivery with very few interventions. And it is known that a woman who loses confidence because someone tells her that she will not know, or that she will not be able to, will have a much harder birth and it will most likely require instruments, maneuvers and aids to give birth to your baby. And many times he will not be able to have a C-section.
Then the professionals become the problem and in the end the solution: the problem, if they get the mother to believe that she cannot, and the solution, when in the end they get her to give birth to her child. "Do you see how you could not give birth to it? I have already told you that it was very large / the women of now do not know how to give birth / you were not doing well / you were losing strength by the mouth / if you ignored me you would not succeed." And they end up giving thanks despite not having been able to give birth: "You're right, thanks for helping me so much and for realizing my limitations."
But the limitations are not always such. Caesarean section rates should be one for every ten births, but for this to happen women need expert, friendly and patient professionals. When this is not the case, the rate increases to the percentages we currently have in theoretically advanced countries: with more than 20 percent of C-sections in Spain, more than 30 percent in Argentina or more than 40 or 50 percent in countries like Dominican Republic, Brazil, etc.
More than 30 wonderful stories and phrases that health professionals can say in a hospital
I leave you below with more than 30 wonderful phrases, or stories, all explained by women, that health professionals can tell or do in hospitals so that they feel involved, respected, valid and protagonists of their deliveries. These are stories that have been explained on my Facebook page because I asked them to tell me their good experiences, those that are still grateful when they think about that day they went to give birth.
Y all of them are regardless of how the birth will end: sometimes they were normal or natural births, sometimes they were vaginal deliveries with epidural, sometimes they were induced births and sometimes they were caesarean section. Because in all possibilities professionals should behave the same:
It was not a phrase. It was the attitude. Respect everything we ask. Allowing my eldest daughter to access the delivery room just after her brother was born. Let him sleep with us in the hospital. Accompany us and inform us at all times so we could decide. I will not get tired of thanking.
(Message from a man) After asking - and being denied - to enter the operating room, an angel (an angel, really) dressed as a nurse came to look for me and to say yes, what could happen.
Well this will sound weird, but my positive memory comes with a "pat" on the face by a nurse, when I entered a "I can't do this" and she, with a look of full confidence, got me out of that thought telling me that I could, that I was already doing it! I believed it!! He grabbed my hand and in one last push my little boy was here! I remember your joy, your kisses and your support!
I have to say that this nurse continued to take care of us later with incredible care!
Every time I remember her I get excited.
In my case there were no support phrases I can write and you can remember. In my case the best of all was the attitude / aptitude of my gynecologist and the midwife. They always made me feel that giving birth was a unique moment in our lives and they were going to make it happen (despite the last minute difficulties). My desire was to give birth in the way I wanted, vertical, lying, in the water, etc ... but due to difficulties (I broke waters at 29 weeks, I was in bed until 33 and during that month they prepared the operating room about three times because my baby's heart rate was lowered, also during labor) that could not be, but they took care of making it as natural and special as possible by putting music on me, lowering the lights, giving me security and confidence, putting on a mirror that would allow me see my son's head at the time of birth and above all, for allowing me to enjoy having my son in the chest for a short time (he threw people out of neonates to give dad and me privacy and fought with them so that they will let me enjoy those seconds or minutes of attachment, skin to skin).
In short, they respected my times, desires and above all, they respected me.
My second birth was a breech birth. Since the 30th week I was on my buttocks and I was telling my gines that I didn't want caesarean section, that I preferred breech birth. At each visit they told me that there was time to turn around, how quiet. At no time did they tell me about caesarean section. When we saw that he was 39s and still buttocks, the older gine told me that when he was with buttocks he loved it, he thought they were special children. When I arrived from childbirth, they were all very excited to be able to accompany us in a breech birth: midwife, the two gins, auxiliaries ... They asked me permission to be there a midwife and an anesthetist (apart from mine) because not every day they see each other breech births. And I remember the anesthetist who said: "You are doing so well Octavi and you ... How beautiful your birth really, how beautiful." And as soon as he was born, I noticed the emotion in everyone who was there. I came from a very long and hard first birth (although respected) and it was a great gift.
You have given birth. If it is not for you and all that strength you have, your girl is not born.
My first labor induced by bag rupture but without contractions. It dilated wonderfully and in two hours it was 5 cm and with the epidural set. The lovely midwife told me that it was great, that two more hours and El Niño was out and the anesthesiologist explained to me step by step what I was going to do while pricking. Soon, the gynecologist and a lot of nurses come in because the child's constants were falling apart and we went to an emergency caesarean section but both the midwife, who said it was a shame because she had had a wonderful birth, like the anesthesiologist and everyone who was there reassured me, they told me that everything would be fine and they were with me and my son. Especially the anesthetist who sat next to me and was telling me what was happening and from there he did not separate in the entire operation. Five minutes since we entered and El Niño was already out and phenomenal.
The second was a caesarean section scheduled for placenta previa and other complications, and although the operating room was full of people, the anesthetist again by my side and a nurse telling me what was happening and welcoming my son. They cleaned it and immediately took it to put it by my side.
Both times, the days we spent in the hospital were all lovely and taking great care of us. Every time they had to take the baby for something they asked if anyone wanted to accompany him. If I had another one again, I know that I would choose the same hospital and equipment.
When I made the cephalic version I remember many people because my little one was a bit stubborn ... There was a young matron in practice and another older woman whose spirits and words made me endure until the end. When finished, the gynecologist came to congratulate me for being such a good patient and being so brave. What I liked most was that he approached my gut and said: "Aimar, put a little of your part that your mother is being very strong. A madrassa and champion before you are born." And the next attempt they could place it!
First birth: I will sit here with you and explain the risks of the epidural so that you make an informed decision, I support you with whatever you decide.
Second birth: he just looked at me and said "girl, you can!" But he said it in such a way and with such love that I came up. That birth was a manual of how hospital deliveries should be.
My gynecologist kept saying: "Come champion, lower that child ... with two ovaries, I know you can!"
And so it was ... after 37 hours of contractions, broken bag and maximum fatigue. The whole team respected the delivery time and they supported me a lot.
In my first birth I had the ideal midwife. She had heard that she had presented a birth plan to have a natural birth and stayed despite having finished her shift to accompany me. And that was what he did, accompany me. Not a single touch as I dilated, lowered the lights in the room to be more calm and encouraged me at all times with my husband. They were there to help me in my labor. At the time I had dilated completely he told me: "If I were not the gynecologist on duty you could give birth here more calmly, but I have to take you to the operating room."
In the operating room he already sat in front of me and without touching me he was helping me to take advantage of each contraction, he explained to me how he had to push and when he left his head he simply turned the boy around, practically without touching him, and told me that in the next contraction push and pull it out myself. It was an amazing experience, we will always be grateful. For calling my attention to all the 'fear' of the midwife to get caught by the gynecologist with me dilating on all fours, he closed the door and everything in case I passed by there ... but come on, she ten.
In the delivery of my second child, the last brutal half hour of contractions with oxytocin and I asked for the epidural lying on the floor.
The midwife told me that she was going to explore me if I could get on the colt, but another contraction came and she knelt on the floor to touch me and encouraged me: "You are almost complete! Are you sure you want the epidural? I think you can get it! "
It was the high he needed at that time for the expulsive without epidural.
When they raised me to the floor after giving birth without an epidural and with the little one on top of me starting to breastfeed, a nurse said that they had to take the child to give him warmth, the midwife responded instantly: "The child is with his mother , it doesn't need more heat than that. " That same midwife told me after touching me: "If it makes you look forward to continuing without epidural, go ahead!" I will never thank you enough times.
Quiet, you can. You have the strength. Your baby is going to be received by a great mother.
The midwife who was with me when I was admitted for the threat of childbirth in week 28 (and that when I was crying disconsolate for everything the doctor had told me - possible mental retardation, blindness, deafness of my baby), she waited with me until the expulsive (already in week 39) although he had finished his turn. When Mario was born he told me: "Well done, mommy."
In my case, there were some words from my gynecologist that still resonate in my mind: "Bibiana, you can! I'm here to support you!"
Upon arrival: "What do you want your delivery to be like?"
You're already 6, this is phenomenal.
You are doing great.
Trust you and your baby, you are doing very well.
At the end of the delivery: "Thank you Maria for letting me attend this wonderful birth, it has been a pleasure" (thanking me ...).
With each contraction is closer to your baby. Don't fight them ... Accompany them.
All right, keep it up, you're a champion.
To me, despite having an emergency C-section and on top of the shift change, I have to say that all professionals were involved. It was both shifts until it was over. A very kind anesthetist came to my head caressing me, giving me a lot of encouragement and explaining everything they were doing to me in a sweet and very slow voice.
I was very scared given the speed with which everything happened, because they put me in the operating room five minutes after arriving at the hospital. I entered with dirty water, dilated 5 and as soon as they monitored me they realized the fetal suffering.
They encouraged me a lot and I had words of encouragement. It was not the desired delivery, but in the situation I had to live I appreciate the way they treated me, and after reading, I feel privileged because the professionals of the two shifts were present. I had two anesthetists, two gynecologists, two pediatricians, a midwife and some other nurse. Just as we named hospitals for the bad, I would also like to say that this happened to me at the Manises hospital.
In my first birth I was 17 years old, the expulsive was complicated and the gynecologist and anesthetist had to intervene.
The matron, far from going to attend to the other women, as he knew that I was scared and being an instrumental childbirth, they no longer let any family member pass, he took my hand, squeezed it and said: "Quiet, I don't I'm going to leave you alone ... "
You can not imagine how recorded his words ... 15 years later I remember him perfectly.
(This delivery was at home) At the point of the expulsion, with a feeling of not being able to anymore and that it was impossible for a baby to be born from me, I began to shout "I can't do it anymore, I screwed myself" and the great midwife Inma Marcos told me very soft, whispering, calmly and a warm smile "Yes Soraya, giving birth is like pooping a melon." And half laughing, half freaked out by the comment, Èric's head came out. The tone, calm, serenity and humor were decisive. There is. Shit a melon was all I needed to hear.
With my birth plan in hand, about to throw it away because I had been programmed induction, I left at the time and day agreed with the morale by the feet. I wasn't going to give it to him. He said: Can you give me your birth plan? Surely we can respect most things! So it was!
The midwife who attended my second birth was young, about 20 and a few. I was not a mother, I was at the limit, I just said that I couldn't take it anymore and she encouraged me and said "Of course you can, pregnant women and a baby inside you carry a lioness, you get strength, courage and courage where there is none, I'm sure the placenta provides it for you. " That phrase stuck me. Ten minutes later Bruna was in my arms.
Several shifts passed until my midwife arrived, the one who supported me since her shift began. As a final touch I wrote this message on the pregnancy card: "Congratulations champion! You have done great, enjoy Larisa."
My girl was born in week 36 because she broke the bag when she placed it. First time and I had only gone to a preparation class. They caused the birth and I was super attended: ball, spirits, caresses ... my midwife from the health center, who is a friend of the family, was in the whole process with me. I even had an electric blanket for kidney pain that I was looking for in 5 minutes.
I loved the phrase they told me when I was that I could no longer: "One less than the princess arrives!"
The resident had finished her shift and stayed an hour and a half more because she told me that my birth was not to be missed.
They put me a mirror to see my little crown and be born. I was encouraged at all times and I will never forget. It was natural birth without epidural and without tears or episiotomy.
I would repeat without a doubt with that magnificent team. And my matron ... the best in the world! I speak to my daughter even if she is small, because without her support she would not have been so beautiful.
How curious. I have had to delve a lot into my memory to remember good phrases, and surely some were told during childbirth. And with this, the mark that can make you speak badly in a moment so vulnerable, so much, that it can tarnish the work of a good professional ... "-What is your son's name? -Leo -Great, well, say hello to I read that you already have it here, mommy. " "Mom, you don't warm it up too much that the temperature rises." That the professionals addressed me as mom or mom, denoted a certain sweetness in them that made me feel very, very clothed ...
I did not wear the epidural. When I was 8 cm I was told that the child was looking forward and that although I could leave, it was more difficult. They showed me some pelvis movements to help him spin. So from 8 to 10cm in expansion I was with music and dancing with my partner. They looked at us through the window (they gave us a lot of privacy). When the midwife and the midwife resident came in, they told us that our birth was being recorded, for what he was helping me and for the atmosphere they had seen dancing.
I also felt respected, because although I thought that in the chair I could push well the truth was that I couldn't. They helped me to go to bed and told me that if I wanted we would go to the delivery room. I preferred to stay in the room, without changing the room.
My delivery was sooo long, I had no complaints from any professional, but my midwife was an angel who didn't leave me alone for a moment. His phrases: "You're doing great, honey"; "You're a champion"; "But how good you push!"; "There's nothing left… ". And the most important (when my girl did not leave after many hours) "The gynecologist is saying that you have to prepare for caesarean section, but I have insisted that no, you will give birth naturally, I know you can" . And doing what he said to me at all my girl was out. I will never forget that person.
Where do I start ... the anesthetist, a love of man, explained step by step the issue of epidural. The two nurses who assisted me helped me calm down: to put the epidural one of them put my head between his chest and said: "Listen to my heart as your baby listens to yours ... calm down and he will be calm." My gynecologist explained everything I did during the caesarean section ... In the end, they hugged me and told me that I had been very brave, that I had done great and most importantly, they told me that my baby was healthy, strong and was beautiful ... That is the most wonderful thing they could tell me in my delivery! (I get excited to remember it).
On my second birth, the gine came to make me a touch and told me to try to push. I did it, and he said: "You push phenomenally. You were born for this." It gave me a lot of strength. Upon moving to the delivery room, my son was born in two bids.
In my first birth I doubted a lot if I was doing my breathing and my bids well, the midwife who attended to me only gave me tender looks and said "you are doing very well, keep it up, and soon you will have your baby in your arms!" .
From my second birth I have a lot to thank Moira, midwife of the Hospital de Sant Joan de Déu, who worried because she was calm and as comfortable as possible while spending the long hours of dilation (I had a room with a bathtub, with dim light and I put a warm cushion of seeds to cope with the pain). And not only that, he guided me and respected my desire not to break the bag (seeing me so exhausted and seeing that the baby did not descend told me the possibility of breaking the bag, everything would be faster but also much more painful. He told me that the baby had no fetal distress and if I wanted everything would happen normally). The resident midwife was also very kind, while she was holding my hand she told me "think that each contraction brings you closer to your baby, there is less left!" They are words of encouragement that I will always appreciate.
On my first visit to the hospital, Clara attended me (3/4 of the night or so). It was still very green (3 cm) and advised us that if we wanted a natural birth we would go home. And we left. We returned the next day at about 12 o'clock and Carmen attended us (it was Saturday so she came to the emergency room and I was waiting for a while).
As he arrived, he looked as he was and sent me directly to the paritor. I was monitored for a while while talking with my husband and Carmen. Everything was going great. From time to time I saw their astonished faces and in the end they explained to me that it was because I had contractions like roller coasters and I was just like that (really, the pain threshold goes up and up!). When he finished monitoring me, I stood up with them and asked if he wanted me to close the windows more. It was good. A little surprised that I felt almost nothing.
Wasn't he ten? He explained that there is a small truce between dilation and expulsion. At one point we laughed because both she and my husband were barefoot and suddenly arrived ... A desire to push uncontrollably. I had it underneath for a while because I was standing. And in a bid I burst the bag, so I lost it! At least it was crystal clear water!
At some point I asked to sit down. When I started bidding Carmen didn't speak if I didn't ask. Only when the expulsive started did a nurse come in and asked me if I was thirsty. I said no, but it was very hot, so he didn't stop fanning me until Joana left.
They didn't send me to shut up at any time (I didn't scream exactly ... I remember it almost like roars, something that came out of my gut and it wasn't the pain that made me roar. Very animal!).
I finished giving birth and my husband was able to cut the cord as we asked (late cut of course!). Skin with skin many hours without interruptions. The three midwives came to congratulate me when we were already in the room. They helped me with breastfeeding: I had flat nipples and I started with cracks. By the way, without tears or stitches. A ten for all staff. Total and absolute respect with my decisions. By protocol they channel a venous route and they respected that I did not want ... You can not ask for more! My husband and I have a wonderful memory.
I believe there is no need to say anything more. As a nurse, as a healthcare professional, I have been very excited reading these stories of women who have decided to tell me their experiences.
I have imagined them, my professional colleagues, doing their job with so much heart that I have not been able to avoid it. And I've imagined moms, grateful to find the help needed to move forward, so vividly, that when I read otherwise, my soul breaks. And if it breaks me, how can a woman get to live it?
Photos | iStock
In Babies and more | For a respected birth: documentary about obstetric violence at birth, birth without epidural, does it hurt a lot ?, The three moments of childbirth summarized in an amazing series of photographs
