Friday, June 22 'Tully' premiered, the most brutally honest film about motherhood starring the great Charlize Theron with which you will surely feel identified. The actress puts herself in the shoes of Marlo, a mother with three children, the last of them newly born, who goes in a choppy and without brakes towards postpartum depression until she comes to life Tully (Mackenzie Davis), a young nanny who It will make you rethink everything.
I will not do spolier because most of you will not have seen it yet, but we tell you five thoughts on the motherhood that the film leaves us that will make you think about your own way of living postpartum, and motherhood in general.
In 'Tully', Marlo lives the same situation as many mothers with young children and a newborn baby. He spends too many hours at home taking care of his children, his days follow each other between diaper changes, breastfeeding, taking care of the house, preparing food, taking and bringing children to school, homework ... And nothing more, nothing less . An invisible job that is not valued, but which is the most important of all: parenting.
Below I leave the trailer for you to open your mouth and then the five reflections on motherhood that the film has inspired us.
1) "Being a mother does not mean ceasing to be one"
Charlize Theron herself said it in an interview and I can't agree more. It is something that is important to be very clear from the moment we take our baby in the arms for the first time, and I would even say that before, when we considered being a mother.
We give ourselves in body and soul to our baby, children are what we adore most in this world, but we should repeat ourselves as mantra every day "don't stop being yourself". It's easy to confuse giving love with delivering everything we are to the point that our own identity dissolves.
It is essential that although we are now mothers, our essence is not blurred and we continue to be ourselves, maintaining our hobbies, our friendships (although some may be lost along the way, it is normal) and dedicate some time to ourselves.
2) Make agreements with your partner
Marlo's husband is not exactly a father involved in raising children, and many women live this situation at home.
That is why it is important to make agreements with the couple about raising children, because a single mother cannot with everything, the routine becomes overwhelming and exhausting if you don't have your partner. Being parents is a matter of two, so establish small agreements like "You take care of the bathrooms, I have dinner." "Tonight I wake up, tomorrow you". Basic lines on occupations that are not only the mother's obligation.
On the other hand is the relationship. It is true that when a baby comes home (then another and another), the dynamics of the couple changes. We are no longer just a couple, but now we are also a family. That "besides" is very important, because we must not forget that we are still a couple.
3) Let yourself help
Who has sold us that mothers can with everything? That false compliment that we are super-moms, that mothers come to everything and do everything well, far from being a compliment it hurts us a lot.
If you feel that your head is about to explode with the mental load that it has to bear and that your body can no longer, do not try to be a 'superwoman'. We mothers try to take care of everything, we believe we can with everything, but there is nothing wrong with recognizing that we need help.
Parental burnout of parents is a reality, and is no joke. The state of extreme exhaustion can become a downward spiral that leads to depression.
If you see that you are overwhelmed, that you cannot do everything, talk to your environment to find a solution, and let yourself help. Something that Marlo in the movie initially does not accept willingly, but ends up being a safe-conduct to recover his identity.
4) Take time for yourself
You will tell me, "with everything I have to do, I don't have a minute left." It's a matter of organizing, and as we say above, of asking for help and letting yourself be helped. And of course, that your partner is involved in caring for the baby. Your partner can take care of the baby while you take a relaxing bath, while you go for a walk, run or take a bike ride ... whatever you want.
Although it may seem like a contradiction, having time for you will help you be a better mother because even if they are a few minutes, that time will help you to find yourself and if you are well, your children will be too.
Modifying the scenario and doing another activity other than taking care of your baby completely changes the landscape. Although they are not more than fifteen or twenty minutes a day, recover what you liked so much, change the focus of care and invest them in yourself.
5) Do not isolate yourself
It is easy to fall into isolation when we have young children to care for. The routine takes us until we realize that we have not talked to an adult person all day.
This is making a dent in our self-esteem, feeling more and more alone. We don't want to see anyone, we stop taking care of ourselves because we won't leave home all day, we stop visiting friends and making plans because they all become a disorder.
Get out of the house, run away from isolation, and above all, don't put aside your friendships for having become a mother. If you no longer feel affinity with them because you live different realities, look for new friendships in other environments. Talk and interact with other people.
We've said it many times. Motherhood is a brutally transformative experience, beautiful but difficult, exciting, but also with very hard stages. Therefore, after watching the movie reorganize your priorities, change the focus and live your postpartum (and your motherhood in general) with a realistic and positive attitude.
A great work by the South African actress Charlize Theron who has recognized that she could not have made the film before she was a mother, because only who has gone through it can know it. Have you seen her? Did you like it? For those who don't, I recommend it. And only one thing: you will be surprised at the end.
