Giving the news that you are going to divorce is never easy. Usually when we mention the word "divorce," people tend to put on a long face and the conversation can become sad and full of questions. This makes many people who decide to divorce feel misunderstood or even feel they have disappointed others.
Therefore, and with great courage, today I want to talk openly about my experience as a divorced mom, and the challenges that I had to face after making the decision to separate.
When you make the decision to divorce
I think that one of the most complex and confusing parts of a separation is when you make the decision to end the relationship. In my case, it took me months to think and think, until I finally decided that it was the best and that I could not wait any longer.
And there are many things that you value when you think about divorcing: the years they have spent together, the things they have done or built as a team, the life plans they had. If in addition to all that, they have children, it becomes an even harder decision to make.
In my personal experience, having a daughter was what always stopped me the most and the main reason I wanted to keep trying to make things work. I felt like the worst mother in the world for thinking about separating my daughter from her father and stop sharing day by day, although deep down I always knew it was the best for everyone.
In Babies and more Separation with children: when the couple separates they must remain parentsLeaving those feelings of guilt behind is not easy or fast. Women, especially mothers, tend to blame ourselves for almost everything, even for those things on which they do not depend on us and on which we cannot do much about it.
In addition, always Some of the classic fears and questions we ask ourselves appear when we are thinking about ending a relationship: Are things really that bad? Can I do it alone? Will I be making the best decision? Won't I regret it in some years?
Alone everyone inside knows the reasons and reasons to know if these are enough to make the decision to divorce. Once I was sure that I didn't want to continue tolerating the situation in which we lived, the next thing was to arm myself with courage for everything that was to come.
The changes and conversations that occur after deciding to divorce
I will not lie, it was not pretty or easy once I decided to divorce. And it is that you not only have to deal with all the changes in your life, but with all those questions and explanations that surely many people will expect from you. But I'll tell you something: you don't owe explanations to anyone.
In my case, I decided to keep my decision to separate secretly and the only ones who knew it at the time were my parents and my sister. I wanted to put them on notice so they would know that the separation was practically immediate and my daughter's father had left home, explaining that once I was ready I would answer all your questions.
In addition to them, only the two friends who accompanied me throughout the process and who were my tears in the toughest moments knew. From there on out, nobody had to give an account, much less having everything so recent. My true friends knew how to keep their distance and wait for me to be ready to tell them.
In Babies and more We divorce: how and when do we tell children according to their ageThe process of adapting to my new life as a divorced mom It was not easy, although it was not the most complicated thing in life. It hurts to say it, but at the same time you get used to being without the other person at home.
Having a full-time job, my daughter's father would spend many hours away from home anyway, so let's say the transition was fast and I just had to get used to spending nights and weekends alone. The hard part was for my daughter, when we had to explain why Dad wouldn't live at home anymore.
Despite his young age (he was three years old when we separated) she understood it, sadly, but something in the background told me that she understood the situation well and I even dare to think that she was also relieved that the bad times ended at home, even if it meant not seeing Dad every day. I am not a psychologist, but I feel that he took it with great maturity and a year later, I see that he is calm and happy.
The new challenges I faced as a divorced mom
Although there was not much difference in the daily routine, and the transition to our new life alone was not as complex as I imagined, if there were any challenges that arose.
Be the only one in charge of everything
Something in which I noticed a great change and it was in my energy. Now that I was totally alone at home with my daughter, I had to take care of absolutely everything: mine, the girl and the house. Now I feel exhausted all the time, I have a hundred more earrings on my head than I had before.
Have less time for me
I have also found less time to do things for myself, although I always took great care to save my time for mom. I still exercise, although I have had to leave other things, such as my books or the series that I enjoyed so much, because Now I just want to sleep and not know anything about the world.
In Babies and more Whether they are Brad and Angelina or strangers, the most important in any separation are the childrenHaving to learn new things (although that is also good)
One thing that has been a challenge but at the same time I liked being a divorced mom, is to see myself forced to learn to do many things. This year I alone painted our house, I lost my fear of using the tools and I do practically everything it takes to survive and maintain a house.
All responsibility is mine
Being the only adult person at home, all responsibility falls on me. I admit, there are days when I wish I could count on someone to support me and not have to wait for my daughter to fall asleep to be able to do things quietly. But it was worth it and divorce has given me what I was looking for: peace and tranquility.
It is not easy to make the decision to divorce as a mother, but with time and a lot of patience, things take their place and you develop skills that you didn't know you had. Maybe I lost a partner, but I gained a lot of inner growth, and that nobody else can give it to you.
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