The children are learning and growing. Within its normal development, moments pass, by simple evolution or by accumulated tensions, in which the nerves lose. Adults, who are his example, are not prepared to control ourselves in these situations and sometimes we can get carried away by stress, having a tantrum and screaming at them, threatening them or even giving them a scourge. But nobody has taught us how educate with good treatment and respect, and less when we are nervous too.
We are human, we don't have enough either Emotional education to have learned to control the violence that flows from within us, but it is never too late to learn to educate with good treatment. After all, if you don't have to hit, threaten or scream, if we don't want our children to do it with other people or with ourselves, can there be anything more counterproductive than doing it to punish them for being wrong?
I am sure that children, deep down, of what they really learn are from example and life. If we want to show you how to channel anger, fear, jealousy or anger, we will first have to educate ourselves to know how to do it in a balanced way and without losing our nerves.
And besides, we always say so, we are adults. If we have to make concessions with the loss of control of a person, I am inclined to advise that we understand children and teach them precisely how to behave as we would like them to do.
To lose control
For teach empathic and peaceful norms and behaviors It is not necessary to use just the opposite of what we want to teach.
I am sure that none of us like to lose control of our emotions and shout, scold, punish or hit a cheek when children are upset or mischievous. Neither threatening or making humiliating comments are not good ways to react if children irritate or misbehave.
Yes we lose control We will be doing just what we don't want children to do. We do not set a good example. It is not educating with good treatment or in an appropriate way, because we are doing just the opposite of what we want to teach. True?
I will try to give some guidelines to educate the elderly to be better educators.
Conflicts
Life is full of conflicts and in parenting, especially under the pressure of stress and lack of time, conflicts will happen. One way to address this is to be aware that specific situations can produce avoidable conflicts and act earlier, reaching agreements or seeking solutions that allow children not to see themselves in excessive tension.
That happens by planning births so that we are sure that we can take care of our children and ourselves, organize housework and collaborate, be aware that spaces or schedules are inappropriate for children and not require them to behave as adults or to anticipate when they will be hungry or sleepy so that they do not catch us off guard whenever we can. It seems complicated, but really, although unexpected things are going to happen to us, this thoughtful attitude is of great help.
The right moment
When someone is very nervous, angry or scared, it is not the time to speak. Neither they nor us.
Especially with children who remain blocked in the conflict. The negotiation must come before or after the moment of explosion, not in the middle of the tantrum, nor is it time to put ourselves "above" by asserting physical strength so that they do not leave us in evidence. What the supermarket lady thinks matters much less than what our child feels.
There is nothing more absurd than a father shouting at a three-year-old boy who is tired of the boy shouting. We will see, my lord, that if you do not know how to control a child without emotional resources, you have much more right to lose control. Teach him and haunt him, but don't get more drunk than the child. I am sure that you can achieve it, after all, you are an adult and it is very clear that you should not scream through the supermarkets.
What will the child think if his father hits him because he has hit his brother or shouts at him because he has started screaming? Well, adults are crazy and we don't know what we want, what will he think?
With this example I wanted to explain to you that the time to resolve conflicts is not the one of maximum tension, nor when one or the other is overwhelmed by internal violence. You have to know how to shut up on time.
If children, from small, know that they will be heard and taken care of, that we will not judge or unnecessarily force them, they will have many more tools to trust in us and dialogue with the years. The dialogue is founded from the first year of life. We cannot demand or expect a teenager to trust us if we have never asked for an opinion or negotiated anything with him since childhood. Trust, as I said, is sown.
Ask for forgiveness
Another custom that we have to recover is that of ask for forgiveness, not just demanding that children be asked for forgiveness. If we are wrong, if we lose control, if we act badly with them, we must forgive them, they are people with dignity and they also have us as the beacon to learn from. We cannot demand that they learn to ask for forgiveness simply by sending it to us or forcing them, we will teach it by being humble and knowing how to admit our mistakes.
Respecting earns respect, not imposing, much less using screaming or punishment or whipping. We can learn to educate with respect, which is how children and adults want to be treated.
