It is one of the greatest fears of couples when the second pregnancy arrives: What will happen to the older child? How will you receive the new baby? Will you be jealous of your brother? Will you throw it in our face?
According to Almudena Palacios, teacher, educator in Positive Discipline and expert in the Montessori method, jealousy is a natural thing that sooner or later just surface, so it is important that parents know how to treat the situation respectfully and accompany the child in their feelings. These are the keys that the expert offers us.
"Jealousy is natural"
When a baby arrives in a family where there is already an older brother or brothers, everyone must find their place again, as the only child becomes an older brother, and if there is more than one child, the little one to date will occupy a more central position.
The family structure, as it was known so far, changes and it is normal for children to be insecure and / or They compete for the love and attention of their parents before the arrival of a new member.
"It is impossible to avoid jealousy between brothers. Jealousy is natural, and sooner or later they will leave. What we must do is know how to take them in the most respectful way for children and for parents and the rest of the family" - explains the educator in Positive Discipline.
But we must keep in mind that for a small child it is not always easy put words to many of the feelings who experiences, and in the case of jealousy, is more than likely not to find a way to do it.
This can cause it to explode in tantrums, cries, regressions, demands ... and perhaps all of this can alter our patience or frustrate us. But the expert insists on the importance of keep calm, and act from respect, tolerance, empathy and love.
In Babies and more Children also have bad days: understand them and help them deal with itHow to prepare the older brother for the arrival of the baby
As we said at the beginning, the issue of jealousy between brothers often generates a lot of anxiety for parents, because we all want the situation to go on wheels, that our son adapts without problems to the new baby and that his relationship is always wonderful.
In Babies and more The feeling of guilt at the arrival of the second child: how to deal with itIn our favor we have the fact that pregnancy is a long stage that we can use to prepare the older brother for the arrival of the child, following these tips that the expert recommends:
Lean on books or stories that treat the arrival of a new baby to the family, the feelings that this can generate among its members, how to focus and manage it ...
Involve the oldest child at the arrival of the baby, asking to accompany us to medical visits and ultrasounds.
Involve our child in all preparations relating to the baby, from shopping or decorating your room, to choosing the name, for example.
In Babies and more How to involve the older brother in caring for the babyTalk to our child with total transparency and naturalness about the arrival of his little brother. It is important to explain things according to your level of understanding and always answer all your questions.
Be patient, respect and validate the feelings our son expresses to us, whatever they may be. Usually, the biggest concern that children usually show is the fear of losing the love of their parents, and therefore, Almudena recommends us to carry out with them this simple activity that will make them discover that love does not divide, but multiplies:
Tips to face jealousy between brothers
If jealousy between brothers has appeared, Almudena gives us the following keys to face them, from a positive upbringing:
Don't judge the older brother's behavior, and try to see the situation as a whole, without focusing exclusively on the protection of the child
Forget the labels and comparisons between brothers, how much damage they do to the child's self-esteem. Each child is unique, and if we label and compare each other, they will end up growing with those strongly internalized labels.
In Babies and more How to foster good relationships between siblings since childhood In the face of a conflict between siblings, it is not always appropriate to intervene immediately. It is preferable to give them the appropriate tools so that they themselves resolve their conflicts.
Faced with a fight or discussion, do not resort to punishment, rewards or blackmail, as children will feel worse emotionally.
Trust our children, and focus on highlighting everything good they do when they are together.
Share our feelings and emotions with them, whatever they are. In this way, the child will see that adults can also feel angry, sad, tired, happy ... and that none of that has to be related to his brother.
In Babies and more How to help your young child manage his emotions Although at first the situation is complex, surely with these keys, will gradually become easy and natural. And before we want to realize, our oldest son will have incorporated his little brother into his daily activities and together they will star in wonderful moments.
Acknowledgments | Almudena Palacios, author of Living Montessori
