When maternity leave ends, families must choose what to do with the care of a child. The mother can return to work and leave the child with a relative (usually the grandparents), in the nursery or she can take a leave of absence and it is herself (or the father) who takes care of her child. In any case and under my personal experience I dare to affirm that, of all these options, The hard part is raising a child at home.
A few months ago we talked about where it is better for children to spend their first years of life and we conclude, thanks to the study of the NICHD, that the ideal is that they are with their family and if it can be with their mother or father, better .
Between the mother and the father, the one who usually stays with the child is the mother, for two quite logical questions: it is the one that has a stronger bond with the child having gestated, delivered, fed and is the one who knows the most having spent the first months of life with him (that's why I'll talk more about "mother" than "father").
In today's society, women who have children and work are considered superwoman, because in 24 hours they have to make fit their working life and their family life, almost without rest.
I do not doubt that it is very hard, perhaps exhausting and certainly worthy of praise, however, for me, It is harder every day for moms who decide not to go to work and stay at home taking care of their child and interestingly it is a less recognized and even criticized work.
A psychological issue, not a physical one
The difference is basically psychological (we don't talk about physical wear and tear because it sure is tremendous in all moms): the mother who goes to work disconnects, becomes part of the social gear and recovers part of what was her previous life. This means recovering dialogues, relationships, moments and giving an air of continuity to life, with changes, of course, but following what was left behind.
The mother who stays at home, on the other hand, is still out of social life, loses the thread of what her job was, loses relationships and conversations and makes the change in life of having a child total, since she does not recover anything than was his previous life.
In other words, it is more enjoyable to be seven hours in class, listening to seven different subjects, than being seven hours with the same subject, it is more enjoyable to work 16 hours a day in two different places than 16 hours in the same place and therefore it is more enjoyable for a person to diversify the hours of the day between work and home, to dedicate all the hours to your child (ren).
I know few mothers who do not work to raise their children (my wife is one of them), but what they usually agree is that it is very hard that, many days, when the husband comes home, he is the only person with which can maintain a dialogue of trust.
If we add that staying at home is often criticized (the woman does not produce, does not charge, does not quote, does not allow her child to go to the nursery “with what they hover there” and also makes the rest of mothers look like “ bad mothers ”for not staying with their children) I can say again that the mother who stays at home is the one who does the hardest “job”.
Staying with your child at home adds more than remains
But not everything that involves raising children to oneself should be reduced to the “lack of” (lack of relationships, lack of work, lack of money, lack of social life) because raising a child at home should not be seen as a subtraction, but as a sum.
The mother who raises her children may feel fulfilled equally despite not ascending (there is no possible promotion) and despite not charging (because the so-called personal fulfillment depends on the objectives, and the mother who takes care of her child has the goal of being a good mother and of being able to give her son the care he needs). See each and every one of the learnings of a child, live with him his tantrums, his anger, his smiles, his achievements, his cries, his questions, his falls, his aspirations, his awakenings, his ... priceless.
It is usual that at the time of being a father or mother someone says: "Take advantage, because they grow very fast and when you realize they are older." Moms who can raise their children cannot have that feeling, because they simply they can't spend more time with them. Maybe that's why, when I return home, Miriam tells me: "Tell me something, please, that you are the first adult I talk to today."
Photos | Jon Ovington, Jaime Ivins on Flickr
In Babies and more | In the nursery or at home ?, Should we go to the nursery to prepare for school ?, Quality time or amount of time ?, Do not have time for children?
