Do you remember what it was like to be a teenager? Do you still have any of the insecurities of that time? Be Teen It's not easy, we tell you the insecurities more frequent and what can we parents do to help them in this complex but fascinating path that is adolescence.
Teenagers are in full transition between childhood and adult life, and that means building and discovering who they really are, what a task! In this process, doubts and uncertainties will appear, they will turn to their peers for acceptance and support, they will feel vulnerable and they will be, on many occasions, exposed to external opinions and pressures ... so it is not To miss that this trip to adult life can generate many, many insecurities.
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Being a teenager's parents is not easy, but being a teenager is even less so.
Adolescence is a stage with “bad fame” among parents for the cyclone that it implies in the lives of their children and, by extension, in theirs. But if we stop for a moment to reflect on the enormous complexity of the process our children are going through and how wonderful it really is to be a witness, companion and guide in that transformation, the thing changes. Yes, it can be intense and complicated, but it is that Your teenage son is discovering and building who he is and what place he occupies in the world, it's fascinating!
Insecurities are so typical in these ages precisely because of this: imagine that you are not sure what you like, what you want in life, who you are, and that your body does not stop doing weird things, changing overnight : hair in places where there was none before, pimples, hips, breasts, voice ... Seriously, for a moment imagine what it should be like to get up tomorrow and that your face is full of acne, or that your voice has changed, or that have double the chest ... would you go to work "so normal", without worrying about anything?
The vulnerability to which they are exposed in this process of construction and change makes them resort to, say, external markers: as I am not sure how to evaluate myself, how to define myself, I will look for references that do it for me or me help to find some light, because I need that definition. But this also makes them look for support in those who are in the same situation, because they need to feel understood, supported.
Saving the distances, but for you to understand me, it is something similar to what happens to recent parents, as we need to talk with other parents to validate your emotions, to confirm that you are not alone, that what happens to you, happens to you to more people.
And this is where peers come into play, the importance of their opinion, of fitting in, of belonging ... and insecurities, which go hand in hand.
The most common insecurities in adolescence
Not all teenagers show the same insecurities and to the same extent: factors such as personality, family environment, experience with peers influence it ... So we can meet teenagers with great and deep insecurities, and others that do, They have, but do not suppose an abyss.
Insecurities at this stage of life are usually limited to two large nuclei: the physical and the emotional. These are some of the most common insecurities and fears, although, I insist, they can vary greatly from case to case:
- The physical: how "should" be my body according to the social model, how I perceive myself, how others perceive me, what they say to me ... Imagine submitting (perhaps not costing you) to such pressure on your appearance! Teenagers associate their physique to be accepted, and therefore it is a fundamental factor for their happiness, it is nothing trivial.
- Fear of not being accepted and loneliness: peers gain brutal importance at this stage, their opinion, their acceptance ... so "pertecener", having the approval of others, is a rising value.
- What if he likes me? In their transition from childhood to adulthood, adolescents begin to enter the world of affective relationships, and if there is something that creates insecurities in this world, that is, whether you are a teenager or you are fifty years old. Will i like it? What if he finds out that I have pimples on my back? What if I'm not handsome enough? What if… ? Undergoing such scrutiny is impossible not to make them feel insecure, right?
- What if I make a fool of myself? What for us adults can be something punctual and we continue with our life, they perceive it as "total and fatal and eternal". They tend to put labels, so that they perceive the blunders not as a learning opportunity, but as a "scarlet letter that they will have to carry forever."
- What if I don't do it right? If I do not do it well I will not like it, I will not fit ... And this applies to any activity, including sex, although this is also done by adults, right? Would you have liked it? Will i do it right? They are not just a teenager's questions. The difference is that as adults, we have experience and we already leave that maelstrom of insecurities behind, so we manage it differently. The issue is that when there is not a good affective-sexual education and their attitude towards sex is not positive, these insecurities that lead to a higher percentage of risk relationships, sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies ...
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What can parents do to help them with their insecurities
- Since the physical It is so important for them, we can take advantage to strengthen healthy lifestyles, such as a healthy diet or the importance of physical exercise. If we also do sports together we will have a valuable time to chat ...
- We must try to make constructive comments and not ridicule them as to their appearance: they already crush enough, many doubts they have, as if to be adding firewood to the fire, even if it seems like an unimportant comment or a gracieta.
- Beware of criticism: if we criticize everything they do, every clothes they wear or every song they listen to, they will feel judged and rejected, and will end up not wanting to share anything with us.
- Spinning with the previous point ... what we need precisely is to create with them a space of trust, that they know that they can tell us their things, that we are going to listen to them without prosecution, without criticizing, without questioning, and for that it is necessary to be there, and Listen with respect, do not scold all day for everything, because then the communication will break.
- Do not constantly solve the ballot: they are passing from children to adults, so that they have to learn to manage, to look for solutions to conflicts and vicissitudes. As parents we must be there and support them, love them (and supervise, of course), but it makes no sense that we will solve things for them, because then they will not be autonomous and will continue to feel insecure.
- Help him see his achievements, reinforce him for them, sometimes they are so worried about something that they don't see the great things they do.
- Give her space, her privacy: they need it, they need their place to be adults, not constantly being supervised by us.
- If we want children with good self-esteem, who deal with their insecurities in a healthy way, we must start with the example. What do you say when you look in the mirror? How do you respond to a compliment? And when you're wrong, do you crush a lot? All those things we say out loud, what we do about it, is information that our children capture and assimilate as part of "the instructions of life." So this is a good time for you to check your own self-esteem, is it healthy or does it need a little training?
Yes, adolescence is a complex time, but you have already seen that it is not so far from many of the things we feel as adults, so try put yourself in your child's place, remember what you felt at his age, how important everything was ... Listen to him, your child is becoming an adult, and he has a lot to tell in that amazing way.
Photos: Pixabay.com; Pexels.com
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