Yesterday we started a topic related to the so-called Natural Parenting or parenting with attachment, focusing on those people who tend to talk about this style of parenting as if it were a method and feeling part of the group of people who educate their children more by meet a series of requirements that by philosophy in general.
We comment that the ideal is that no one really stays with the surface of Natural Aging and that it is advisable to delve a little until understanding the principles of attachment theory, which is basically only one: the maximum respect for our children.
It remained in the air to explain a little why the majority of fathers and mothers we educate according to attachment theory tend to meet several of the items shown in the image list and why some of these items have nothing to do with Natural Parenting, because someone has tried to add them to that current.
Respect and colecho are often united
If you leave your child in the crib or bassinet and cry and instead put him with you he calms down and sleeps quietly, your son is telling you that he needs the contact of his parents, his warmth and his presence. The most respectful in this regard is to satisfy the child's basic need, without which he will sleep every night scared, frightened and waking up often requesting arms that make him feel as he deserves.
If instead you have a baby who sleeps badly if he is with the parents, who prefers to be alone in the bassinet and who only calls when he wants to eat (or occasionally when he wants affection, of course), the most respectful thing is that he sleep alone, close to the parents in case you need them, but alone, it is what you demand. In this case you could not mark "Colecho", but you would be respecting your son.
Since most children are part of the first group, that is, those who do not want to be left alone in the bassinet, the majority of parents who believe that we must meet this need for contact and that is why we collect most.
Breastfeeding is the best diet for babies
If we continue with the same premise of offering children what they need and what we would choose thinking about them, in addition to the most natural and logical, The feeding of choice for babies is breastfeeding.
We all know its benefits for both the baby and the mother, either at the nutritional level or at the immunological level and even at the relational level, since the breast can only be given by the mother, promoting the baby to create a solid bond with her. Out of respect for them and seeking, as the WHO says, "the highest level of health for babies," the logical thing is to give babies their natural food.
However, there are women who despite wanting to breastfeed, end up not getting it (we will not go into the reasons now). Unable to breastfeed use the best existing alternative: infant formulas. A mother who has wanted to breastfeed and has not succeeded is not ceasing to respect her son (at least not at this point), because she has tried to give her son the best, what he expected. Without checking the box "Breast milk", it could be considered a mother who raises with respect, why not?
Natural childbirth is the birth that involves fewer risks and complications
A priori, on the book and with all the evidence in the hands, it must be firmly stated that, today, natural childbirth is the one that carries less risks and less complications (which we call natural by inertia, but which we could define as “respected birth”), as well as less side effects for the baby, who is born more awake, more active and better than when the mother uses the epidural (with which they usually also administer synthetic oxytocin, generating contractions that many babies live very badly) or when born by caesarean section, with lungs full of amniotic fluid that sometimes prevents them from sucking well and even breathing calmly (many spend 24 hours pouring liquid through their mouths ... scaring his parents with every cough and every choking), for example.
But one thing is what a mother wants or wants and another thing that ends up happening. Unless you give birth at home and there are no complications, childbirth is not something of one, but of several people, of the mother, the baby and the professionals. Sometimes natural childbirth is achieved, other times the mothers end up asking for anesthesia and at other times it is the health workers who decide to take the birth because they believe it is better.
You have given birth as you have given birth, if you consider (as most health professionals now consider), that natural childbirth is the most respectful with the future of your baby you are respecting your child and respecting their rhythms, even at the time of birth .
Porting is very beneficial for the development of babies
“When I leave it, it cries, when I take it, it is silent” is a phrase that most mothers could say. Babies do not come to the world to be alone because if they were, they would not survive. They come to be accompanied and in contact with their caregivers whenever they need security. Where they feel safer, where they gain more weight, where they are most loved and where they develop best is in contact with parents. That is why now in the neonatal units the kangaroo mother method is encouraged as many hours as possible and that is why it is recommended to do children's massage to children, because touch and caresses nourish the body and mind.
If you ask a baby where he wants to be, he usually replies that with mom (his crying says so when they see themselves) or with dad, in contact, smelling the skin, hearing the heart, noticing the heat ... out of respect, the most It is logical to take the children stuck to the body, unless that way they are in disgust and prefer to go in a stroller.
If for any reason you have a child who does not want to stick to the body because they prefer to go lying in the cart, it would be illogical to try to take it with you yes or yes. That is why a mother may not check the “Portage” box and be respecting her child's needs (although children usually demand contact and not a stroller).
No vaccination and vegetarianism
To end the list of the Pack, I have left for the last two options that many people believe that supporters of Natural Aging defend, not being so.
Without going any further, in a Catalan newspaper a mother spoke a few days ago about the perfect new mothers saying that they are “Mothers who reject the epidural, who breastfeed on demand and up to two years, who sleep with their creatures, who do not vaccinate them and who give them organic food. They are mothers who preach their religion without admitting that you can deviate from their beliefs. ”.
Sorry but no. Not everything enters the same bag. There are fathers and mothers who educate their children with respect vegetarians and there are others who are not. Similarly there are parents who vaccinate their children and others who do not, always based on your own preferences, but not from a collective.
When Carlos González published his book "In Defense of Vaccines," many people became extremely angry because they did not understand that the pediatrician defended breastfeeding and also defended the use of vaccines, as if one thing was facing the other, as if Respect for children would be measured based on how natural an act is or ceases to be.
Documented yes, naturalists no
The fathers and mothers that could be part of natural upbringing (those of us who agree with its principles), we are fathers and mothers, normally, very documented. We read, we look for studies, we buy books and finally we decide based on what makes us feel better with a common purpose: educate our children in the best way we know and can, because we have decided to "invest" in it. Because we like it, because it motivates us and who knows, because perhaps it is one of the few things we can / can do well without having to endure anyone who tells us that we have to do it differently.
Interestingly, many of the things we read and learn recommend us to return in some way to the essence of life, to return a little to our origins and, from there, build again. Something like recognizing that society has taken, for some time, a dangerous path towards the devaluation of the human being, towards the loss of respect, towards superficiality and towards submission to ideas that benefit only a few. Then decide to stop, go back and say: "Ep !, this used to work better, or at least we were all freer" and from there, write our own way.
All this with a fundamental pillar: respect for the human being. Respect for children who are the next generation, those who in a few years will have to work and take care of us (or not). Respect, but not naturalism. If it coincides that what seems to be best for everyone and for babies is to listen to being a mammal, we will do it. If instead it seems that it is best to take advantage of technology and medical advances (say vaccines, for example), for the sake of our children and the common good, we will use it. It is not about going back to the cave age and criticizing the modern era, far from it. It is about putting our children and our role as parents at the center of our lives and acting accordingly. Who wants to get in the car, we all fit. Who does not, that does not do it, nobody can demand it, but he will not always be able to say that "I did it out of respect for my children".
Photos | Raphael Goetter, Christyscherrer on Flickr
In Babies and more | Is there the Natural Aging pack: natural childbirth, colecho, no vaccinations, portage and breastfeeding on demand? (I), Natural parenting, free advice and how parents who grow up with attachment evolve (I) and (II), Parenting with attachment (Attachment parenting), John Bowlby's attachment theory
