In the previous topic we analyzed emotional blackmail in general and we discovered that it is, unfortunately, a form of violence quite common in relations between adults.
We will continue to deepen the emotional blackmail because, if it is frequent and harmful among adults, it is even more so in the relations between parents and children, without, in that second case, we are prepared to identify it.
Today I will talk about the use of children as a weapon in emotional blackmail among adults and their suffering as an indirect victim of this emotional violence; In addition, I will invite you to reflect on emotional blackmail towards children, in parallel to the adult manifestations of this behavior.
The boy as a weapon
In the couple, or the ex-partner, is emotional blackmail It is especially harmful, because children are indirect or direct victims, or clearly, the weapon used to threaten or harm the other.
When one of the parents claims that the child wants to be with him more time to show him that he still cares or when he pushes the son against the other by telling him about the damage he has done to the family for wanting a separation, blackmail is being used to manipulate to the little one.
But also when is threatened The couple with whom he will no longer see his children or turn them against him if the marriage is broken, blackmail is also done using the children as a weapon.
The child as an indirect victim
And, unfortunately, this is sometimes true, preventing a normal relationship between the children and the absent father, or, on the contrary, putting obstacles so that the child can go to his mother when he "touches" to be with the father although the child I need it.
When we talk about a baby or a small child whose fundamental attachment figure is to force his mother to separate him from her, when it is obvious that he needs it, it is also a way to use the child as a weapon to harm the mother or keep her submissive. When the child is nursing, I still shudder more as a father can harm his son in order to assert rights or harm his ex-partner.
Also, obviously, the opposite is true, the mother who tries to put difficulties in a normal relationship between the father and the son. When there is a separation, as long as the other member of the couple does not mistreat the child or neglects their care, an effort must be made not to discharge the grudge on the child.
You should always be able to put the benefit of the child above our desires and not use it as a weapon against the other parent.
All this, of course, hurts everyone, but especially children, weapons and victims at the same time emotional blackmail, but surely, and this is what we do not usually see, it is not a new experience for them. Emotional blackmail using children as a weapon is something very serious, but it is no less than using emotional blackmail towards the children themselves.
The child as a victim of emotional blackmail
Surely the parents who use a child as a weapon had already blackmailed them many times before coming to this, but, selfish, adults are only able to recognize blackmail if the victim is an adult and minimize emotional violence when the direct victim is the child.
He emotional blackmail occurs in all human relationships. Parents, grandparents and educators use it against children and children can learn it from them. We adults also use it against each other and the most harmful way for children is when some parents use it with each other or use it to harm the other parent, whether they are a couple or if they are no longer.
In all these cases, children, even those who incorporate this form of relationship towards adults or their friends, are victims, if they receive it, for receiving it, if they use it, because they have been surely blackmailed and have assimilated this practice as normal and acceptable, because if they do their parents can not be wrong.
Everything I have told you about blackmail with the child as a weapon and as an indirect victim seems safe, horrible and sad. In this case if we know that the child also suffers and outrages us, in addition, that someone blackmails another with emotions such as fear of losing a loved one. Does it remove us the same inside if the one who threatens to lose love is a child and the one who threatens is his father or mother?
And to this I go. Emotionally blackmail a child It is the same, or more serious, than emotionally blackmailing an adult. The age of the victim or the parent's authority does not invalidate the fact that emotional blackmail is a manipulation and a form of emotional violence. Positive and respectful, patient communication is a way of laying the foundations for a healthy emotionality and a family capable of loving each other without harming themselves.
The fact that the threats are not fulfilled, since the innocent child does not know it, does not make the blackmail even lighter. If a child believes that his mother will stop loving him if he does not eat the soup, the blackmail is real and the child, dominated by fear, will eat the soup so as not to lose his mother's love.
That is the key, when emotional blackmail is done against a child, against our child, it is no less serious than if it is done against our partner. It is worse, much worse, even if our parents did it to us or everyone does it and the children survive.
It is worse because the person who is blackmailed has no defenses against this, it is more, trust, believe, in what his parents say and there is nothing to fear but lose his love and respect.
There's a lot ways to use emotional blackmail against much more common children, normalized but equally harmful to them, because they assume, just as when we do it against an adult, emotional violence that manipulates and leaves a mark on the child, encouraging him to become himself another blackmailer. We will see what they are in the following topic.
