Verbal communication is essential to achieve a good understanding with our children. To get a message and that is understood by the child we can apply some simple tips on how to talk to our children They are simple and useful.
I do not think that to talk with the children it is necessary to continually use a childish language, neither to be subtly threatened, nor to provoke negative emotions of fear of rejection, nor to blackmail, or shout, or "get serious".
The psychologist Teresa García explained that she uses a technique called compassionate speech. I am a rookie in it, although she has helped me to speak to myself to expose my goals without sabotaging myself in doing so. It has been a very interesting experience and it has helped me a lot. With the children I think it will be equally effective, but we will leave for a future a long conversation with her about this communication technique, which I think you will love.
What I am going to explain to you is simple. It will simply consist of take care of our speech, avoiding imposition, value judgment, labels, comparisons and focusing on listening first to be able to communicate correctly.
Speak softly and with kind words.
Nobody likes to be spoken in a dry, imperative and unfriendly tone. To start a conversation we need to calm down, find the tensions that disturb us and go to the clear message, always using an affable and pleasant tone. Of course nothing to shout or expose opinions or desires charging them with negativity.
Remember how much you love children.
It is essential when we talk to our children, especially if it is a conflict issue, stop at savor the love we feel, the beauty of which they have filled our lives, how helpless they are to any harm we do to them.
When we are angry the words fly. We can use words to damage, unmask, bring out the worst of others and humiliate them. But it is not what we want to do to our children, so we must know how to stop before exploding and, before saying anything, remember what we love them, feeling the tenderness.
Link with our inner child
Adults usually forget consciously or unconsciously the harm that adults did to us. The feeling of injustice in the face of punishment, the fear when they shouted at us, the inability to explain if the adult was hostile. Remember it before scolding them.
If you get listen to the children that one day you went It will be almost impossible for you to attack them with words. Talk to them as I would have made you happy to talk to you in a similar circumstance.
The trust that we hope our children have in us can be lost if we are not able to be assertive, serene and mature when we deal with them with a problem. Only if they do not fear punishment or shouting can they open up and tell us what is going on in their heads and can we reach their hearts.
Be honest
To advise you honesty It does not mean that you have to download your adult problems into children or give them explanations that they are not prepared to assimilate, but if you do not lie, do not manipulate.
Using common sense you can explain to children many things that perhaps they have not understood, as the reason why you ask them not to shout in the nap or not to leave the toys lying in the hallway.
It is not necessary to tell them that they are idiots, inconsiderate or careless. Suffice it to say that we must find a balance that allows those who need it to rest but also contemplating that the child needs to expand. It is also enough to explain that you can trip over the toy, fall and hurt yourself.
The children want us to be happy, that we all live harmoniously and their generosity has no limits if we treat them with empathy.
Therefore, in addition to explaining our positions honestly, we must also be willing to understand and listen to them, asking them for things that are compatible with their age, their needs and their maturation. They are children, not us, and sometimes, let's admit it, we get capricious and we want them to do things for our comfort. We must find the balance in the needs of the family, but always being adults.
Breathe
The leisurely breathing It balances our body and gives us serenity. The anger, if we take a minute of calm breathing, fades away if at that minute we think about what I previously proposed. If you do not have that minute, take even a second, but always, always, think before you speak and think what you mean to be understood without harming.
Taking us that little pause we can sort our thoughts, try to understand how the child feels and how we can reach him so that his spirit of collaboration plays in favor of both. Of course it is not about coaxing it, but about achieving a balance in which we are also going to put everything on our side to speak without harming you.
Speak slowly and without words that the child does not understand
Sometimes we start to talk to the children and we get carried away by the verbiage, we pack ourselves up and use twists or complicated words that they don't understand yet.
Search for closeness
When we talk with our children about an important or sensitive issue, it is essential to focus on what we are doing and set aside distractions. Neither answer the phone, nor stand in front of the computer screen, turn off the TV and do not interrupt the conversation unless it is really indispensable. They deserve to be treated with the same respect as if you were talking to an adult.
It is also convenient to search physical closeness. Do not talk to them from another room, or from the other side of the room. Approach them gently, sit next to each other or bend down to be at your height.
We all like to be told face to face and looking into each other's eyes, children, as people who are, like it and deserve it. Also, by doing so, we teach them what it is the right way to treat others and that they deserve us as much importance as any adult with whom they have seen us speak.
I hope these simple tips to talk with your children help you to have an enriching communication with them, to understand them better and to create, for your families, a climate of trust and mutual respect.
