As parents we would love to be able to protect our children from pain, suffering, disappointments, right? But we cannot, nor should we. In life things happen that we do not control, difficulties and complicated moments appear, and our children will need coping tools to whatever comes and overcome it. That is the resilience and so we can work it at home.
A divorce, the death of a family member, a change of school ... there are many things that can happen in a child's life and generate stress and emotional distress. Being able to adapt to changes and deal with vicissitudes is the best way to become healthy adults capable of managing whatever comes.
In Babies and more, do you think your child suffers stress? We tell you what symptoms you should considerWhat is resilience?
Resilience is the ability to deal with, manage and overcome complicated situations, problems, difficulties ...
The good news is that resilience can be learned, so there are things we can do from home to help our kids develop the tools necessary to deal with the least beautiful of life.
How to work resilience at home with our children
1. Skills and confidence
To face something, to face a challenge, it is essential, as a first step, that we feel we can do it, that we have the capabilities needed to do it, because otherwise we don't try.
If we want our children to have that feeling of "I can do it" it is essential that let them make decisions, that they "make", so that they experience, to test their capabilities, to establish links between what they do and the consequences.
Human beings learn not only from what they tell us, too, and it is an important part of learning, from what we do.
Let your son decide, let your son do. And if it doesn't work out for that, you are there, to be his network, but don't overprotect him, don't stop him from experimenting, he's a child, he needs to do it. (Obviously if you are going to do something dangerous this does not apply, let's have some common sense.)
And when he does something, when he has had an achievement, reinforce him, show him that he has done great, that will strengthen his confidence and enable him to launch on future occasions.
There is nothing more disabling than fear, and there is nothing to annihilate that fear better than experience.
In Babies and more Being "helicopter parents" could negatively affect children's ability to manage their emotions2. Have a good support network
Precisely in line with the previous point, this arises. ** Having friends and a good and healthy relationship with us, their parents **, transmits to the child confidence, is a mattress that they know is there in case they are wrong, in case something goes wrong .
The peace of mind of knowing that they can turn to someone is an element that greatly favors and enhances resilience.
3. Teach your child to take care of himself
We cannot deal with problems if we are not well, if we do not consider ourselves a priority. When we go to the background we allow things to happen to us, we stop facing, and that is precisely what we do not want to happen to our children.
Their well-being is fundamental, and for that there is nothing better than leading by example, so start by taking care of yourself.
4. Good self-esteem
When we do not love each other, when we consider that we do not have certain skills or that we will not be capable of certain things we already have the losing battle.
The same happens to the kids. If we want them to face, if we want them to be active agents in their life, they have to feel capableThey have to know themselves capable, hence the importance of good self-esteem.
For this we must encourage them to carry out activities in which they feel useful and effective, games that have fun and that require some learning (so that they value their effort), we will reinforce their achievements and encourage them to recognize them, we will do that enjoy the road and not only the final objectives and, above all, we are going to show you how much we love you.
5. Try it as many times as necessary
We must teach our children that things are not always achieved at first, that there are times when we will have to try again and again ...
If this is clear they will handle frustration much better, they will understand that the effort is important and that they should not surrender to the first change.
In Babies and more, how can I help my child be more patient? A good way to work on frustration is board games, as they are exposed to losing, having to develop strategies, accepting rules and having to manage them to reach a goal, etc.
6. To another thing, butterfly
Sometimes bad things happen and it is inevitable, but it makes no sense to be stuck “in evil”. Obviously when something bad happens to us it makes us feel bad, and it is necessary to have those negative emotions, as I said before, what is not worth is abandoning them.
Our kids have to learn that things happen ... but that evil happens, that if this has not gone as expected or has gone wrong It's not the end of the world: there are other options and other paths.
In Babies and moreEduard Punset: five keys to raising emotionally healthy and happy childrenPrecisely that knowing that there are other ways makes us more resilient: if we think that there is no way out, that it is the end, we will feel that we cannot do anything.
So for teach your child to be resilient we must show that there is always a way out, that looking for alternatives is the best way to overcome what has happened to us, it is a wonderful tool for your well-being.
Cognitive flexibility, being able to adapt to changes and looking for new ways is a guarantee of adaptation to what happens.
Now, being resilient does not make our child impervious to evil, not suffer or have no negative emotions.
It is impossible and undesirable not to feel or not suffer when a setback happens, so much as we would like to protect our children from all this, we must accept that they experience pain and sadness. Of course, we will give them the tools so that they can manage it in a healthy way.
Photos: Unplash.com
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