We are going to continue talking about multiples today, linking with the interviews we have done in the preceding weeks to Gema Cárcamo, Meritxell Palou and Mónica Fragueiro. Today we will talk to the psychologist specializing in multiple Coks Feenstra, a child psychologist and author of the book "The Great Book of Twins", who you can know much more by visiting his professional page.
You are not a multi-mother but you have been studying about them for almost 30 years and you are a worldwide reference in twin psychology. What prompted you to research on this topic?
My interest in twins must be something innate, something I was born with. I remember playing with my twin dolls that I wore the same. The twins have always caught my attention. And as an adult, writing for the magazine Grow Happy, when I saw that there was no book for parents on how to educate them, I came up with the idea of writing it myself. A lovely challenge.
Do you also treat twins in your practice as a psychologist? What are the most common query topics?
In my practice I also treat twins. The topics for which they consult me, are very varied. To give you an example, I now have a family that consults me about sleep and another, for problems with one of their children in relation to difficult behaviors. These are problems with which parents without twins also find themselves. Other times they are questions related to the issue of separating your children from class or not. This is a subject exclusively of twins.
Are parents' questions or doubts common in your work?
Yes, many of the questions that parents ask me, both twins and others, have to do with some insecurity. My son does not eat; My children are very disobedient, my girl comes to my bed every night… etc. I also notice that sometimes theories that live in society such as 'the child must sleep in his room, eat everything and control his sphincters before entering school and a long etcetera' create insecurity.
Does that create insecurity in parents for not following "their instinct"?
Parents think otherwise, but they feel insecure about whether they do well. It is a pity since many times their own intuition is good, but they are influenced by prevailing opinions, which are often not true. For example: there is a lot of controversy about the dream and our society is heavily influenced by North American ideas that do not match the tradition here. In addition, there is too much emphasis on the autonomy of the child. We hurry to grow and be autonomous. This shows in the dream theme, for example. There is nothing wrong with a small child sharing the room with their parents, this will not harm their autonomy. In addition, it is safer for babies to share a room with their parents, because there is more parental vigilance. Just what a baby needs.
In the case of multiples, are caesarean sections still scheduled for no more reason than a twin pregnancy?
I think this is changing due to the influence of WHO. The investigations showed that in Spain too many caesarean sections were practiced, often unnecessary. Also regarding twins. And recently there have been studies showing that caesarean section in the case of twins does not give a better result than vaginal delivery, unless there is a need to apply it. If there is none (babies are perfectly fit and everything goes normally), vaginal birth is preferable to caesarean section.
What problems can be associated with a cesarean section done without being necessary?
Of course, caesarean section influences the emotional state of the mother. If they do it out of necessity (the life of babies is at risk), it assumes it well, but if it is for unjustifiable reasons, the mother loses an essential experience, that of fully living the experience of giving birth. Physical recovery is also slower in case of a C-section.
Is there what they call "twin telepathy"?
There is "telepathy" between the twins and more among the identical (monozygotic). Yes, many times one feels what happens to the other. And this is so thanks to its close bond. The relationship between the twins is very intimate and special.
We know that among the monozygotic this link is more intimate than between the dizygotic (the twins). The fact that they share the genes influences this fact and makes it easier for them to understand each other without words and feel what is happening to the other. Scientists trying to explain it scientifically. For me it is not necessary that we can explain it. It is obvious that it exists, I have no doubt. There are also cases among the twins. And even among people as couples with many years of relationship. But among identical twins it happens very often, almost daily. It is very interesting.
We thank the psychologist Coks Feestra the time we have spent granting us this interview. Tomorrow we will continue talking to her about the raising and education of twins and twins.
