We continue today interviewing psychologist Coks Feestra, a leading specialist in the world of multiples, which today will tell us more about how the mind evolves and the relationships of twins and twins.
Coks Feenstra, child psychologist and author of the book "The Great Book of Twins", from whom you can learn much more by visiting their professional website.
There is talk of the "dominant twin," is that always true?
The dominant twin may exist, but it is not true that it occurs in all couples.
Is there any data on the proportion of cases in which it happens?
I just read a study on this subject that I found very interesting, conducted by Helen Koch, professor in psychology at the University of Chicago in 1967. It is nothing recent, but it is still very valuable. The relationship where dominance is best seen is in boy and girl couples. In 81% of cases she is the dominant one, although he is 80% the first born. With this, the idea that the firstborn is the dominant one is denied. This is true in 58% in monozygotic and 55% in dizygotic. Another interesting fact is that in the identical dominance is alternating according to stages. In some phases one is the leader, in others the other is. In the non-identical, dominance is easier to detect and is related to children's characters.
All children discover their own self in a process, is it different in the case of multiples?
Twins discover their individuality other than the child born alone. They have to learn to be separated from the mother and the twin brother. At first they know only the 'we'. They come to the world with this feeling, since they have a memory of life shared in the womb. This explains why they have a more intimate relationship than the brothers of different ages.
How can parents help them build their own identity?
In twins education it is important that parents treat them and see them as two different people. They have this intimate relationship between them, but they are also people each with their own character and peculiarities. They need individual time with parents and it is good to give it to them, right from the beginning. It is not easy to carry out, but there are simple tricks, such as always taking one to make the weekly purchase. The other week it's up to the other.
Twins enjoy being alone with their parents, also for the parents themselves is a joy.
Do you think they should go to class together or separate them?
This is in line with what he said before: our current society is characterized by emphasizing the individuality of the human being. Autonomy has become a goal. The risk we face with this desire is that we don't allow children time to be children. Separating the twins when they start school - with three years - is done with the preconceived idea that it will help them to be independent of each other in the future. No study has been able to confirm this hypothesis. Studies, conducted in Australia and England, show that twins who are separated by 5 years (the age at which children go to school in these countries), suffer anxiety, setbacks in their development, perform less and have a bad time . They show more difficult behaviors and more withdrawal.
It does not favor them at all to be separated in class.
You are actively working with Meritxell Palou so that schools stop separating the twins protocol. Tell us about this.
The keys to well-being for twins and triplets is for society to understand their relationship and the needs that arise from it, such as being together when they start a new experience (that of the school for example). The right path for their education and their treatment is to understand this relationship, respect it and at the same time encourage them to do separate activities, always taking into account their maturation stage. Of course, separating them at three years old is respectful. And the cause of this is the lack of information. School managers have no knowledge of the world of twins. This in itself may be understandable (society is increasingly complicated), but what is not right is that there is no interest in filling this lack of preparation. And there is undoubtedly a certain preponderance with which managers make these kinds of decisions. Fortunately some schools have rectified their regulations because they saw either the same twins or in our video, "Water Drops", which was not a wise decision.
Are you exporting this initiative to allow multiples to remain together at school?
Yes, Mireia. In other countries he is asking us for help, since they have the same fight. So now we are translating the text of the video we released on the subject of not separating the twins, Dutch and soon into English.
We hope this interview with the psychologist specialized in twins Coks Feestra It has helped you to better understand these children and to accompany them respectfully in their development.
