In Babies and more We have talked on several occasions about the control of sphincters in children, and we usually explain it in summer because it is usually the time when many children leave the diaper.
Well, it is not entirely true that children leave the diaper. Rather, it is the parents who take it away, usually for a matter of comfort (for them and for us) and the urgency of the system (because they cannot wear a diaper to school).
For all those parents who are in it, or who are thinking whether to do it or not, today we offer Ten tips to help children control the sphincters and leave the diaper.
1. Keep in mind that we put the diaper on
This I comment to remove iron to the matter. Children are born without a diaper and, depending on where they are born, they are put on a diaper as soon as they leave their mother's womb, or else they are put on something else, or nothing. In our environment there are diapers and most of us use them for convenience, but there are places where they are not used because they are not there, because they do not want or because they cannot afford them.
In China, for example, many children go with open pants around the world, making their needs wherever they are caught, and in other countries parents teach them, from babies, to relax the sphincters through conditioning, through communication: The baby gestures to show the parents that he wants to pee or poop and when the parents give "permission" they do.
By this I mean that, since we get used to them from day one of not worrying about their sphincters until we remove the diaper by our own (our) decision, we must respect the child at all times in the process, no pressure of any kind, no bad words and no hurries.
2. Forget the concepts "older", "little", "baby", "big child", etc ...
They are often used a lot to convince children that they already have to do their needs in a potty or in a toilet: "Come on, now you're not a baby, now you're older, you have to pee here" or "the Big kids don't poop in the diaper. ” Forget them because a person demonstrates their maturity with their actions, not with their age. Our son will be “older” when he behaves like an older child, not when we tell him that he is and that, therefore, he should behave like this.
There is no need to tell children how old or young they are, but if as parents we wanted to do it, it is better to comment when you already control the sphincters: "Jo, how old have you become, you no longer wear a diaper."
If we play comparisons and press things like that, we run the risk of feeling ridiculed or unsuccessful. And if after telling him you're older, you already have to leave the diaper, can't he? And if he is not able to control the pee or poop and keep doing it on top? Are we not confirming that he is still a baby? And to all this, what is wrong with babies? Better not get into that game.
3. You should keep in mind that the ideal thing would be for them to take off the diaper
Following what I have mentioned in point 1, you should know that Ideally, children should be free to take off their diapers whenever they wanted. All children reach an age when, or it bothers them, or it seems silly to wear a diaper. Well, they arrive if we let them. As we intervened before they do not arrive. But if we left them, they would take it away alone. No 8-year-old boy would wear a diaper, as no 8-year-old boy falls asleep to the tit, as no 8-year-old boy asks his father to take him in his arms to calm down, for some examples. All that “if you do it, if you get used to it, it will never stop doing it” does not work, it does not work, nor with the diaper.
Well, I explain this because if at school you don't have the norm to remove the diaper (I doubt it very much) don't hurry to do it if you see that the child has a hard time controlling the sphincters.
4. Think about when children are able to control sphincters
I know that at the moment I am not giving you advice to remove the diaper (now they come), but before giving them I want to make it very clear, but very clear, what are the reasons that lead us to remove a baby's diaper (usually external, due to pressures from the school that is already beginning or from relatives, who tell us that they are older) and when are children able to control the sphincters to lay the foundations of everything else.
When I went to the two-year review of my son, the median the pediatrician was surprised that he was wearing a diaper and told us that “with 2 years you have to take it off now”. In one ear I entered and the other left. It is true that I might be able to control it, but it is also true that I could not do it and neither my son was in any hurry, nor were we (he was missing a year and a half for school).
At 30 months of age (2 and a half years) only 50% of children control the sphincters. At 3 years, 75% of children do it. At 42 months (3 and a half years) they are controlled by 95%. That is, if someone asked me when children control their sphincters, when they have to take off their diapers, I would say that age: “ 3 ½ years, which is when most are able to leave the diaper successfully. ”
5. Take advantage of the summer to leave them naked
It is not necessary for diapers to be removed in summer. It can be done at any time of the year, but it's much easier now because it's hot and they can go naked. If you take off the diaper but put on your underwear and pants, dress or skirt, they will stain whole. The first few days may not matter to them, but it is possible that they will get angry after filling their clothes and legs with pee and poop and it is also possible that, as the days go by, we parents begin to get impatient and tired of walking cleaning poop from everywhere (it is not easy to remove a poop-filled underwear from a child who cries and moves trying to run away from you), and let's just tell them things we don't want or should.
So it is better to leave them naked at home and do what they want wherever they want. So we take the opportunity to explain what they have done, how it happened and where they should do it (and we clean it up in nothing).
6. Forget the prizes
Forget prizes and punishments. The pee and the poop are made the potty or in the toilet because it is done there. It has no more mystery. We use the diaper while you are not able, but if you are already able to do it, you have to do it there. If you do not do it, I will not punish you, not quarrel, or ridicule, this is clear, but if you do, I will not reward you either. Some people give caramelitos, or some little detail when the child does something in the potty or the toilet. I've never given anything because ... if I don't give a gift later, do you have permission to do it again? I do not know, it is not necessary to train them that way, it is more a matter of normality, now you will do it there, when you learn.
If things are done naturally without masking them in prizes or gifts, as if doing so were something negative that we have to beautify with a prize, the children assume it better than if they begin to suspect: "Maybe after all this pee and poop without diaper is not fun, or something bad ... if they even have to give me gifts to do it!" .
7. Let them grow
Control the sphincters It is a maturing act, as is walking or talking. You grow up, mature and able to control the sphincters. If you don't grow or mature, it's harder. That is why no one would think of trying to have a 9-month-old baby leave the diaper, because it is not something they do because we teach them, but they do because they are prepared for it.
But maturing is not a matter of just removing the diaper. To mature is to use the glass, the cutlery, eat for themselves, leave the pacifier, the bottle, start dressing alone, undressing, etc., that is, to mature is to turn pages and gradually leave being a baby. We have to allow them to turn the page, to be more independent, because that way it will be easier for them to be autonomous in the matter of diapers.
8. Explain what this is all about.
Obviously, we must talk about the changes, what happens from those changes and what we expect from them. Explain what is the pee, what is the poop, when they do it on the ground, call it by its name (avoid, by the way, call poop to things that are not), tell them that if they do it on the floor they stain, and you have to clean it, and that nothing happens, because we we clean it, but what they can do it in the toilet or the potty To make it easier. That next time you can notify us before doing so and so we take you to do it there.
9. Give them options to choose from
If the potty does not motivate them or if the toilet is scary (there are children who are afraid of such a large hole, with water in the background, that makes a lot of noise and swallows things) we can continue using the diaper. The important thing is that they control, that is, that they are able to say “I have pee” or “I have poop” and do it wherever they want. It can be the potty, it can be the toilet and it can be, why not, a diaper. They let us know, we put it on, they do it and we remove it. There will be time to work the "love" towards the potty or the toilet.
10. If everything goes wrong, put the diaper back on
There is no pressure. You should not have it and the child should not have it. You may be thinking, perhaps, that I have left a piece of advice, that which says that the child must be placed every half hour in the potty to pee or poop and so, when he does, congratulate him. If you are waiting for this advice, read the whole post again, please, because you have lost yourself somewhere.
Putting the child when it seems good to us makes no sense. The desire to pee or poop the child has them, not us, so we should not play with their needs, or their feelings. We should not cause the child to want or try to do something in the potty. And less if we congratulate him or give him a prize. We run the risk that the child will spend half the day looking for a potty to do something and receive the prize, or that we get messed up and no longer know when he feels like it or when he stops having them, because it is we who decide each How long you have to sit. So no. The child has to go do whatever it takes when he says he has to do something. If you don't say it, then to something else.
If the days pass and do not notify. If we see that it does not advance. If we see that we are not getting anything, there will be someone who says “you must continue, since you have started, because sometimes it takes weeks and months”, but I will tell you otherwise: weeks and months will take if it is not ready, until the day comes In finally doing it, not because I learned it, but because the day has come. To save you dozens of escapes and you dozens of pee and poop anywhere, you put the diaper back on and later you try again. As nobody is pressing, blaming, rewarding, saying that you are older, younger, medium, hobbit or baby and everything is done naturally, you can try as many times as necessary.
And no, putting the diaper on again is not going backwards, because, as Carlos González says, "to go backwards, you must first move forward", and a child who has not controlled sphincters at any time has not made any progress.
When do we remove the diaper at night?
As I imagine you will have that doubt, because after removing the diaper for the day, after a while, the diaper is removed at night, tomorrow I talk about it. You can read it in this post: After checking the sphincters during the day, when do we remove the diaper at night?
Photos | Thinkstock
In Babies and more | The summer arrives and "touches" to remove the diapers, Should children be able to go to school with a diaper ?, A little help to use the toilet when the child leaves the diaper
