Without a doubt, educating our children in feminism (that is, in the Equality between men and women) is not only possible but necessary to change society. But from children we listen to sexist and sexist phrases that are recorded in our subconscious, leading us to assume certain stereotyped roles that society is marking us.
We have compiled some of these phrases that adults tell children, and that they even reproduce when they are internalized.
Stereotyped phrases about physical appearance
1) "Is he a boy? He is so handsome that he looks like a girl"
During the first year of my eldest son's life, there were many people who confused him with a girl and when they got out of their mistake they excused themselves by saying "Sorry! He is so handsome that he looks like a girl". And I confess that this phrase left me speechless: Is beauty something exclusive to the female gender?
2) "Is she a girl? Since she doesn't wear earrings, she thought she was a boy"
And in line with the above, this is usually another phrase that the mothers of girls who have decided not to put their daughters pending tend to hear, especially during the baby stage. And it is still very internalized at the social level that "girls have to wear earrings to be beautiful", and the opposite is often shocking, especially to older generations.
3) "Wearing earrings belongs to girls"
But, What happens when it is the boy who decides to be pending? A few days ago, a man with an earring came to bring me a postal package. My three-year-old boy stared at him and with the naturalness that characterizes the kids asked me in amazement: "Why do you wear an earring if it's a boy?".
I could have ignored your question or given a quick answer, but I preferred to take the moment to make you understand that in life there are no "boys" or "girls" things, and that we can all do what we set out to do.
4) "Paint your nails is girls"
A few months ago we echoed the protest of a father who complained that his son's classmates, five years old, laughed at him and called him "ladybug" when they saw him with painted nails.
What kid doesn't like to paint her nails? Both my girl and my boy are passionate about them, and from time to time they ask me to paint them and I do it delighted, although on more than one occasion some family member who has witnessed the scene has not hesitated to ask in amazement : "But you also paint the child ?!".
And it is precisely this kind of adult comments that it goes into the mentality of children and which finally leads them to think that this is something "exclusive of girls", repressing their desire to paint them - because it is not what is supposedly expected of them - and, consequently, to criticize the child to do so.
5) "Wearing long hair is girls / Wearing short hair is boys"
And along the same lines as everything said above, boys are also expected to have short hair and girls to wear long hair, and when the opposite happens, it seems weird.
And our comments on this subject, or our attitude towards an image that does not correspond to the "socially stipulated", ends up being recorded in the children's memory and leading them to internalize these stereotypes.
Stereotyped phrases about activities and sports
6) "Soccer is for boys"
This is usually another phrase that girls sometimes have to hear when they want to practice this sport.
Personally I am happy that my son's soccer team is mixed, and that he and the rest of my friends assume as something natural to play with girls, and that they are even scandalized when they hear this kind of macho comments. Because girls can be what they want to be!
7) "Ballet is girls"
A few weeks ago we interviewed Fany, mother of a dancer boy, who told us about the difficulties his son had had to overcome in order to practice ballet. From sexist comments, to laughter and teasing from his classmates who told him that "ballet was a girl thing." But children can also be what they want to be!
8) "Those things are from children. Don't be butch!"
But not only football is considered "something of children." Martial arts, motor sports or certain children's activities such as climbing trees or climbing a rope, to name just a few examples, have the same consideration and Soon the girls are cataloged as "tomboys" If they show interest in these practices.
9) "Those things are from girls. Don't be ladybug!"
And on the same line above, children also listen to this type of comment when they choose to practice sports related to dance or skating, for example, they show interest in learning or helping to do certain activities (sewing, doing household chores ...), or manifest their desire to dress up as princesses, wear a bracelet or a hair clip
10) "But how are you going to dedicate yourself to ..., if it's male / female?"
"Do you really want to be a midwife? If it's a women's profession!". This comment was often made to a classmate of mine a year before entering university. And although enough years have passed since then, we still continue to attribute certain careers or professions to a particular genre.
Engineering, computer science, mechanics, telecommunications ... are considered boys' careers; while certain activities in the field of health and education, or professions such as hairdressing or sewing are related mainly to women.
Stereotyped phrases about games and tastes
11) "The dolls are girls"
This is perhaps one of the phrases that our children hear most since they are right. "But how are you going to play with a doll, if that's girls !?"
But not only dolls are considered "girls games": kitchens, hairdressing / makeup, princesses, games in which you make your own necklace or bracelets ... also children are banned with our comments and attitudes.
12) "Cars are for children"
And at the opposite extreme we find all those games that are supposed to correspond to the boys, and with those girls shouldn't play. Such as cars, tools, toy weapons, drones, superheroes ...
We have dealt with the subject on many occasions, but it is urgent that our adult mentality change and let the children be children and develop their creativity and imagination playing with what they want, without interference or stereotypes.
13) "Pink is girls and blue is boys"
This is undoubtedly one of the first messages that children acquire since they are young. And it is usual for them to grow up surrounded by these colors in their clothes, in the walls of their room, in the curtains and comforters, in their personal belongings (pacifiers, bottles ...) ...
But as they get older, the presence of both colors in their lives becomes more and more remarkable, especially in clothes that end up stereotyping in an exaggerated way: glitter, ties, frills and princess drawings for them, and fabrics more resistant, dark prints and superhero drawings for them.
Stereotyped phrases about behaviors
14) "The boys don't cry" or "You cry like a girl"
How many times have we heard this phrase so harmful and disrespectful, both for boys and girls! We all have the right to express our emotions and cry when we need it; including, of course, the boys.
Because this phrase addressed to a child, not only forces him to repress his emotions, but unconsciously engraves in his brain that from them containment and courage is expected, while from them weakness and tears are expected.
15) "Don't cry, how beautiful you are!"
But we also force girls to repress their emotions with this terrible phrase in which, in addition, we show that female beauty is worth more than feelings.
And it is that in the field of beauty, both industry in particular and society in general, we transmit some messages that do not escape the little ones, and that lead girls to grow up with a physical and stereotyped ideal that does not correspond to reality.
16) "Fights like a girl" or "You're a coward like a girl"
This is another of the phrases that we hear frequently and that, again, highlights the physical superiority of men over women, besides making fun of her.
If a boy hears this, he will end up internalizing that the girls are weaker or more cowardly and, therefore, that they need the protection of a boy.
17) "You are too strong to be a girl!"
This would be another version of the previous concept, and we also listen often. The other day, without going any further, during the celebration of a children's birthday, the children organized into two teams separated by sexes to perform a series of activities.
One of them was to pull the ends of a rope and the equipment that exceeded the center line lost. The girls team won and there were many children who made such comments, surprised at the physical strength that the girls had had.
18) "Girls don't get hit"
Let someone who has not heard this phrase raise his hand. I've heard it a lot of times and it always makes me want to ask: Can children be hit? We must teach our children not to hit, regardless of their sex, and to resolve their conflicts through dialogue and other respectful ways.
19) "Girls are smarter and quieter than boys, who are gross"
Surely both this and the phrase that follows, we have heard them sometime during pregnancy to reveal the sex of our baby.
Socially we have internalized that girls are smarter and quieter than boys, and before that baby is born it has already been assigned a label that is supposed to comply.
20) "Boys are more docile and more affectionate than girls, who are twisted"
The same goes for children, to whom It is listed as gross and moved, but more affectionate than girls, and if they don't comply with these labels, people often find it shocking or weird.
21) "You are the man of the house and you have to take care of everyone"
This phrase was told the other day to my eight-year-old son when my husband went on a trip, leaving him pensive and even worried. "How can I take care of you, mom?", he asked me somewhat overwhelmed. And it is incredible how internalized we all have the fact that the man is the one who takes care of and protects the woman!
Surely, in addition to hearing other people say them, we have also made this kind of comment in the presence of children. That's why it's important do a reflection exercise and banish certain sexist thoughts, beliefs or stereotypes that we have engraved inside us and that do so much damage.
Let us educate in equality, and raise strong children, respectful of others, self-confident and empathetic. The change is in our hands.
