Does your child of child age refuse to do what you have asked, do not want to pick up or put on those pants? Does he stare at you and turns around? On many occasions, we are overwhelmed by the feeling that this little boy we adore is blatantly challenging us. And sometimes more than a feeling is a certainty. We tell you why they challenge us and what we can do to handle it in the best possible way.
Why do they show those behaviors that seem challenging?
There is no intention on your part
What we have to be very clear about adults is that although we use the word "challenge" it is not something intentional or charged with "evil."
No, children do not challenge us to make our lives more complicated, nor do they do it to see us suffer because it gives them pleasure. Children show these behaviors as part of their development. I explain it in the next section.
The challenge is part of the normal and expected development of children
We often associate this type of challenging behavior with behavioral problems in our children, but the reality is that nothing bad happens to them: challenging is part of their normal and desired development.
Children between 1 and 3 years old are immersed in an amazing development process: their brain, personality and the idea they have of the world is in the process of formation, it is much with what they have to "deal", there are many changes , and as a result of all this maelstrom that challenge occurs to the parents.
Children at these ages are immersed in:
- Explore the world: their physical and cognitive development happens because the children explore, it is one of the ways to learn, a very important one in addition. And to learn from the world around them they need to touch, smell and of course try ... taste the taste of things and taste what happens if i throw the shampoo inside mom's shoes. Because everything is new, because everything is to be discovered, because it is what they have to do to develop properly.
- Learn more about social interactions: how they are, what they are expected to do ... Their social world is just beginning to develop, and they have a lot to learn. Until now the social interactions were more limited, those of the baby stage, but now all that is extended, the same appear (to those who already recognize and with those who want to interact), the game is no longer in parallel but together ... Everything is new and they don't know what and how to proceed, they are learning.
- Identity Development: in this age his identity, the sense of "I" is forged. Until recently, as a baby, I did not distinguish well the boundaries between mom and him, but now he begins to understand that he is a separate individual.
- His brain goes to a thousand per hour, establishing relationships and connections ... is more impulsive than that of an adult.
- Learning about their emotions (they still don't know how to manage them).
All this combined, that need for exploration along with not being clear about this interactions with other people (or social norms) and mixed with that they are in the process of "Eh, that I am here" (identity) makes a " Do not touch that ”be received as a total and absolute invitation to play precisely what we have been forbidden.
What to do with the challenges
- Keep in mind all the time that it's not about something they do, as I said, to bother you. Chill your thoughts and don't be angry. The calmer you are, the calmer the child will be.
- Do not respond with the first thing that comes to mind, because it is probably something full of anger and frustration. Give yourself some time to rethink what you are going to say.
- Try to make him see that you understand how he feels verbalizing what he says or asking: "So honey, you don't know what to do?"
- If he becomes aggressive, calm down, give him some time to lower that anger without insisting on what you were asking. You can also put yourself at his height and hug him by holding his arms, this way you prevent him from doing fuss and hurting himself and also with the touch you will be able to calm him down and reassure him.
- Anticipate: if you often have to go after the little one saying that “do not touch it or do not take it” two things will happen: keep touching it, for everything I have explained before (you know, it is not that I do not want pay attention) and that you get frustrated. So one way to avoid temptations is to remove them from sight. At least the ones you really don't want me to touch. Adapting our house to children will allow them precisely that much-needed exploration, and also without the censorship of dad and mom.
What do you say and how do you say it?
When you have the feeling that your child ignores you and that "happens olympically" of what you are asking, I ask you to stop for a moment and think about what you asked for and how you did it.
Why? Because sometimes, many times, we are the ones who demand and get frustrated, because we ask them for things that they are not able to cover because of their age. I explain:
Be quiet for a while. Get ready to go to school... This, that we say very often very complex orders for the little ones, even though they seem to us the sea of simple ones. What is a while? What is silence? What does it take to be ready for school? Children need us to be concrete, to specify what we want and what we are asking, without ambiguity and with tangible and clear concepts.
How can we make it more accessible?
- Divide the task into parts, in smaller, simple steps. This makes it harder for him to get frustrated, to get bored and give up. That way you will reach goals and that will reinforce you to reach the final goal.
- Give instructions as concrete as possible (what do you want me to do, with hairs and signs, adapting to the child's age and abilities).
- Adjust your expectations: your child is that, a child, and as we saw above, he is in full swing, he is learning everything, and asking him to be still, to do things and to do them quickly, maybe it is to ask for a lot.
Photos: Pexels.com
In Babies and more: How to teach your child what good love is, which will make him happy
