Between the phrases that children hear the most in these days before the arrival of the Magi They are: "Have you been good?" "Take care that the Magi see it all. If you misbehave, they will not bring you toys", "If you have been good they will bring you many gifts, but they will bring you coal."
They are so ingrained that when I hear someone tell my daughters, I respond with a smile and a "it's three very good." I understand that it is part of the Christmas tradition and that it is not said with bad intention, but the truth: I do not like anything. Parenting has evolved, fortunately, and I think that this type of "blackmail" should eradicate them from our parents' repertoire. I will tell you three reasons why I think these phrases should not be said to children.
All children are good
Have you been good? What is that question? What does it mean? Under what parameter? An adult is not asked if it has been good to give him a gift (no one would receive any).
First, we would have to reflect on what it means for a child to "behave well" or "misbehave." From our vision of adults we consider that some behaviors are not right or that children should not do, but that does not mean that a child is bad. Children are that, children. They have no malice, they are learning.
Inappropriate behaviors are not made to provoke or annoy adults, but are part of their own personality development. Tantrums are expressions of frustration that they are not yet able to manage; pranks, a way to explore their own limits.
In Babies and more Children who have discovered the truth about Christmas gifts, but follow the gameAll children are good, and as beings in formation they are, they have to be wrong to learn. There we will be, the parents, to guide them and set respectful limits on what is right or not. But of course a child is not bad for jumping on the couch, nor because he has done something that is not right like hitting his brother. He is a good boy who has hit and we have to teach him that this is not right.
If we label the child as "bad" or "naughty", he will internalize our speech and the self-fulfilling prophecy will come true, meaning that will end up believing it and finally he will end up acting that way because that is what is always expected of him.
It is not a good idea to condition gifts to good behavior
The child has to understand that it has to be good of its own accord, not because you will get a benefit for it. If we go back to before, we are sending you the message of: If you are good, I reward you. If you behave like adults we think children should behave, you have gifts, but you don't have them.
How can a child feel that he doesn't receive gifts at Christmas? What can you feel when you receive coal? You will feel that you do not deserve them, that you are not loved. You have to send the message to the child that always dear, whatever you do, even if you are wrong. And at the same time, that it must be good without expecting anything in return.
The deceit of the Kings or omnipresent Santa Claus
The blackmail of using the "the Kings are watching you", "Santa Claus knows everything you do" to scare them and feel controlled by omnipresent beings I don't think it's educational. If the Kings really saw everything, what would become of us adults?
I don't like it, mainly because we're cheating on you. We know that Kings will also bring gifts (In fact, we have already bought them), but we continue with the tagline to keep them still, but it does not last long. They immediately forget and fall back on the same, therefore it is not a good idea. It is not about being good because someone looks at you from above, but that goodness is born from them.
I was amazed to find out that there is even an app for the mobile that warns the Kings if the children have been good or not, when obviously we are the parents who rate their behavior. If we want our children to be good blackmail and emotional warnings through fantastic beings They are not a good way.
In Babies and more: Three Kings' account: when it's time to talk with your children about ChristmasThe child will live thinking that everything he does is observed by "superior beings" when the important thing is to educate them in social skills with the people they live with on a daily basis. If they misbehave, we, the parents, see that we are the ones who have the responsibility to educate and correct them.
When there are inappropriate behaviors by children, the sincere communication With children it is the best strategy that parents have to eradicate them. Meanwhile at Christmas, every child deserves his gift.
