Breeding without scourges: Positive communication (V)

Many of us repeat the parenting guidelines we receive from our parents. Surely they did the best they knew, we dare not face the idea that we can do it differently. But it is possible to do it and the tool offered by the positive communication can you help us.

Changing the way of breeding is possible

Yes we were raised with cheeks or punishments, with harsh or derogatory words, with detachment, we know no other way to raise. Even the environment tells us that children spoil themselves if they are not firm and they are put in place from little kids, leaving them crying or not attending to them if they ask us to be taken in arms.

Many of our acquaintances also tell us that nothing happens if we give them a cheek or a fish, that they were given and did not go so bad. Nor do we go out so badly, we think.

But our children do not have to receive blows from those who love them so much, it is not necessary. Nor do they need their hugs, pampering, kissing and company wishes to be frustrated, but rather, as needs that they are, in important to attend them.

When we are disobeyed or have dangerous or aggressive behaviors, we must learn to face them as manifestations of an unmet need and delve into it, learning to interpret the signals and accept that there are powerful reasons of the heart They cannot be denied.

Since we talk about using positive communication To achieve a more respectful upbringing with children and with ourselves, it is important to keep that idea clear, emotional needs must be met and acts are attempts to ensure that those needs are met.

I like that my friends leave me with the word in their mouth

I like that my friends leave me with the word in their mouth or on the keyboard when we talk on the phone or chat because their children claim them. No need to say goodbye, just say "goodbye my son calls", I feel more than hugged and attended. And I don't like it when I hear the child complain and they send him to shut up. I love knowing that they attend to them above all. I know then that I chose them well.

As I said before, adults sometimes look like children claiming mom's attention many years later and looking for that mother absent from early childhood in others and things. But no one and nothing can fill us and we relate greedily and jealously with others, accumulating things, experiences, adrenaline and distractions to disconnect a little from reality.

Happiness awaits us

Then, when the child arrives, our needs face theirs, and we are overwhelmed and want to take off to recover activities that, well regarded, are not essential or necessary, nor, in the long run, reconcile us with the happiness.

But we are ballasted, unable to give ourselves fully to the child and his immense need for us. When we deliver ourselves to the baby we feel healed, although the process can be complicated and painful.

Then, having done this, communication with our children becomes the most important part of our happiness, but it requires an exercise, to learn to attend them without impatience or negative gestures.

We will continue to deepen this to learn to recognize what the children's actions manifest and how to respond to their demands from the positivity.

No labels, no screaming, no physical strength

With positive communication We are no longer going to label the child negatively, nor, of course, are we going to threaten him with letting him love him or hitting him if he does not obey us.

Resist using physical force or the scream when a young child does not obey is complicated, it is something that springs from within us unconsciously, and that we can only face from the conviction that the child's screams or cries are not attempts to manipulate us, but calls for us to attend to his need Primary to be touched, hugged, looked at and heard.

We must put ourselves in the child's place, with empathy, and understand as much as possible what he feels and where his demands come from, meeting his emotional needs and accepting them as natural.

These emotional needs can only be met by us now. That is why it is so important to learn a positive communication that allows us to understand the child and the child, for our example, to be empathic with us and with all the other people that you will find in your vital path.

The practice

In the next topic we will see a practical example of positive communication I hope it helps us understand how we can start using it with children. It will be a situation that all parents have gone through or we will go through and we will see how to deal with it.

Video: Zerg-Busting + Havoc w Voice. GoE. GW2 (March 2024).