How to help our children have a good sibling relationship

“Please, get along with each other.” All parents want, we want, we hope, that our Children have a healthy, fun, and wonderful relationship as brothers. We tell you how to promote it from home to favor that, despite those quarrels that always appear, your children get along beautifully with each other.

When we project into the future and imagine our family within 5, 10, 15 or 20 years, none of us can think of a possible scenario in which our children do not have a good relationship.

The idea that your little loves, your children, those creatures you adore, get along badly or have no relationship, is devastating.

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Yes, it is clear that we all want our children not only to tolerate themselves, but to have a strong, healthy relationship, to take care of themselves, to love each other, to be for each other, right?

Surely at home you are already doing great things to make this happen, but in case you want a extra orientation, here are some tips that can help you to favor that your children have a very good relation of brothers.

Why it is worth having a good relationship between brothers

Perhaps the answer may be somewhat obvious, but it is worth reviewing.

The brothers share a home, parents or caregivers, have common experiences, shared stories ... and also have them since they were born. Well carried out the relationship of brothers is one of the most lasting and significant of people's lives.

Having complicity, trusting, knowing that the other is going to be there for the laughs and for the bad, is a wonderful emotional mattress, is to have a backup, another tool to deal with the complicated things in life. In fact having a good social and family network is one of the protective factors for certain mental health problems and the risk of social exclusion.

How to favor a good relationship between brothers

  • From minute one: in this, as in most things related to kids, the sooner we start, the better. From that day when we almost decided to have another child, during pregnancy, and, of course, at the time they meet, we must encourage the elder to face the situation in the most positive way possible. Keep in mind that this is the starting point of the relationship between them.
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  • Tell your story: Tell him the laughs that you and your sister threw you the day you prepared breakfast to surprise your parents and the resulting pancakes were the most disgusting thing that nobody has ever eaten (because yes, they ate all the poor to not break you the illusion), tell him those wonderful things about having a brother if that was your experience, or tell him how lucky he is to have a good relationship, because you didn't have it. First-person stories are a great source of learning.
  • Time for everyone ... and out of rivalry: When they are little, the little ones have to learn and understand that mom and dad are not exclusively for them, that their love and attention is shared with their brother, with each other and with other important people such as family or friends. Let's avoid competing by spending time to be with each of them exclusively.
  • Each one of them is different and special for this reason: continuing with the issue of rivalry, our children have to feel and know that they are special in themselves, for how they are, for what they do and say, and that is why we love them both. No need to compete, to fight, our attention is there, we are there for them.
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  • Be equitable It is not giving the same to each one. We often try to avoid these rivalries by being equitable in a literal way: if one wants an ice cream, we also buy an ice cream from the other. But serving them equally is not giving them exactly the same, with the same duration, intensity and characteristics to each of them. Maybe he asked for that ice cream a lot, but the other at that time had no special interest in it, why give it to him then? Let us ask, inquire, and value what our children need and want, because most likely, except that toy "which is just what I wanted and my brother has taken it", have different demands. One may be more affective, the other need more attention in self-care ... They are brothers, but they are different. * Let them quarrel ... with limits: discuss they will discuss, it is so, and it is also not negative. Siblings with siblings are a wonderful test and learning bench for children. If we meddle, we run the risk that they believe we are on the side of each other and deprive them of developing their communication and conflict resolution skills. Now, we must set limits and make clear what behaviors are not tolerable at home and, of course, provide them with the necessary tools to make this learning positive (starting by being a good example when there are disagreements in the couple is a great point).
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  • Avoid favoritism: Often when I interview my patients and ask them if they had the feeling that there was a favorite among the brothers at home, the answer is usually affirmative. This favorite is one of the most frequent triggers of discomfort among the brothers, so we will try to be aware of whether we are more lax with one than with another, if we consent more, if we laugh more with one and scold the other ...
  • In team mode: encouraging them to have a notion of equipment is essential to establish strong and healthy ties. For this, it may come in handy, for example, that they have collaborative tasks at home (that they set the table together, that they lay out the clothes, that they collect), that it is they, together, who choose the movie of Saturday and we, the parents, the Sunday. Also table games that are collaborative and non-competitive can help us at this point.

  • Common hobbies, time together: If you think about why some of your friends are so important to you, probably some of your answers are because they have been there at important times, because they understand you and because you share hobbies, right? Well, basically that is what we should favor with our children. Let's do family activities: trips, visits to museums, picnics or an afternoon at the beach, whatever you like, but do fun things together, as a family. With this we are creating in them pleasant memories together, a background and a common past that will help make your relationship more beautiful.Common hobbies: Since the kids are a bit "I want what he has" it is not complicated that they end up doing similar things. A sport, playing an instrument, going out to the field or drawing ... if they share leisure and hobbies they have one more link that will unite them.

Either because we have a wonderful relationship with our brothers or precisely the opposite, for having lacked it and having missed it - or directly suffered - we have clear the importance of our children getting along with each other.

As parents we have an important role in how that relationship is established, so let's pamper and pay attention to it, for them.

Photos: unsplash.com

Video: 5 Types of Unhealthy Sibling Relationships (March 2024).