Judging and commenting on the maternity of others is, unfortunately, a very common practice. On more than one occasion we have echoed unpleasant phrases or misplaced comments that sometimes we have to hear from parents about raising our children.
And among these unpleasant comments we find those who often receive the mothers and fathers of one child. Too many children weigh too many social stigmas, and many families report criticisms and embarrassing questions from acquaintances and strangers about their personal situation. If you also have an only child sure you feel identified with any of these phrases: which one would you add?
Do you only have one? "
This is the phrase par excellence that all parents of unique children hear at some time in their lives. In general, what usually bothers us is not the phrase itself, but the rintintin with which you pronounce and the disapproving face that people put After hearing the answer. "The only children are not well seen socially" - says Teresa, mother of an eight-year-old girl.
It's amazing how much a short sentence can hurt! Well, we don't know the personal circumstances that hide behind that decision, and some can be very painful.Monica lost her second baby in childbirth, and every time someone asks "If you only have one daughter" Something is stirring inside. The same happens to Olga, who after seven years trying to give a brother to his son He has decided to throw in the towel: * "secondary infertility, they call it" * - he confesses to me very affected.
In Babies and more Why should we stop asking: "when is the other one?" "Aren't you going to give him a little brother"
One of the things that the parents of only one child hate most is the insistence of people because they give him a little brother. It does not matter if they know you or not, if there is trust for such a comment or there is not, the case is that there are always those who think about the importance of not staying with only one child.
"When they ask me about the little brothers and I say that he is an only child, there are always those who challenge me the decision. And why don't you cheer up with more? Was it very bad when you were little and you felt like it? And don't you feel sorry that you don't have siblings? ... It's exhausting! " - Elena tells us, mother of a 12 year old boy.
"If you do not hurry with the search, the poor will be left alone"
This is another way of posing the previous sentence, but for Rebeca, mother of a six-year-old boy, "It is even more hurtful if possible, because it does not ask about the possibility of having more children, but that it is assumed that all the children in the world have to have siblings and you are deliberately spending too much time ".
In Babies and more, we talked with six mothers who had children more than ten years apart"And you don't feel sorry for him being alone?"
There is no doubt that having siblings is something wonderful and enriching, but so is having cousins and friends, so it is not true to think that the child who grows up without siblings is alone.
"I don't like to be told that our daughter is going to be left alone in life. Today she has five cousins with whom she shares adventures and fun, and we'll see what the future holds for us. Would having brothers guarantee that she will never will she be alone? " - Teresa reflects.
Fany goes further: "I am an only child and my mother was always hammered with this phrase. Today I have four wonderful children ... And they said that I would be left alone in life!" - he jokes.
"Having only one child is a selfish attitude"
"The first time they told us that we were selfish for having only one child we run out of words " - Julian remembers, father of a 12-year-old boy. And there is a belief that having a single child is the easiest decision, which is also taken for their own benefit and without thinking of the child.
But all parents, we have a child, two or more, we always think about their well-being and happiness, so it is terrible to link a selfish attitude to a specific number of children.
"How easy it is to raise a child alone!"
Children need attention, education, accompaniment and involvement from his parents. Parenting is exhausting, and requires our commitment and unconditional commitment, regardless of the number of children we have.
There is no doubt that everything is complicated at the logistic level as the number of children increases, but that does not mean that raising and educating with a single child is easy!
In Babies and more These are the things you should never say to parents with many children"He doesn't know how to share because he has no brothers"
Among the many topics that revolve around the only children, is the one link selfishness to having no brothers. But what does one thing have to do with the other? Not sharing is not a selfish attitude, but it is something innate in young children, whether they have siblings or not.
Sharing is a social skill that is acquired over time, and that should be taught by parents from respect and tolerance. Therefore, having siblings does not automatically predispose the child to share their belongings.
"I have been an only child and my childhood has been very sad"
And there is always the Comment of the adult only child who decides to transfer his fears and experiences to parents who only have one child. The truth is that this happens in any plot of life (especially in motherhood), but it is frustrating and exhausting to bump into such negative people that far from cheering they only manage to worry.
Having a fun and unforgettable childhood has nothing to do with having brothers. I wish it were that simple! Children need dedication, unconditional love and quality time with their parents. Creating unforgettable family memories is what will mark them for a lifetime.
In Babies and more Mother's fault: free yourself from that burden once and for all"I am an only child and now I miss having brothers"
And in line with the above, it is also in the commentary of the adult who again transfers his feelings to the parents of a single child. It is likely that there are adults without siblings who miss that company, but human relationships go far beyond blood ties, and there are those who find the brother they never had in a good friend.
"It gives me a lot of courage when someone approaches me and tells me that he is an only child and how he has always felt so alone, he does not want to do the same to his children, and that is why he has decided to have five" - Elena remembers indignantly.
We who have more than one child wish that the relationship between the brothers is eternal, that they love, respect and take care of their entire lives. But if we really think about it, we will see that no one can guarantee us what we so long for.
Review, judge and label the maternity of others can be tremendously harmful. Isn't it better to support and respect each other, whatever our family model?Photos | iStock
