Self-care is not always enough to compensate for the exhaustion experienced by many mothers

One of the topics that I am most passionate about writing is about the importance of taking care of ourselves when we are mothers, and dedicate or set aside time alone for it. On previous occasions I have shared why it is important to do it, as well as some tips to achieve it, because sometimes it can be difficult.

However, although spending time for our well-being is important, the reality is that external support is often needed on many occasions. And is that in order to take care of others, we must also be taken care of, and sometimes self-care is not enough to compensate for the exhaustion that many mothers live.

Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it is necessary

Before entering fully to talk about why self-care may not be enough to care for mothers, I would like to clarify something that on other occasions I have commented: taking care of yourself is not selfish. And I mention it, because although more is being talked about today, in some cases they see it as something negative or some mothers feel guilty for wishing time for them.

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For example, some women think they are not entitled to that time alone, while others feel bad about wanting to be away from their children for a while to focus on them. But we have to be more open and realistic, realizing something very important: in order to take care of others, it is necessary to take care of yourself first.

On previous occasions I have shared that attending therapy helps me to be a better mother, and that has been precisely one of the places where I was taught the importance of taking care of ourselves, with a phrase that my psychologist told me recently: "the tree is more important than the shoots".

In that sentence, the tree is us and the offspring are our children. And it makes a lot of sense! How will the shoots grow and develop, if we don't take care and nurture the tree from which they grow? Taken into the context of motherhood, it would be something like this: How are we expected to give love, affection, care and protection, if we ourselves do not receive them?

This does not mean that only we care or that by focusing on us we will neglect our children. It is only a simple principle that is summarized in a phrase that we have shared on previous occasions: if mom is fine, her children will be too. Having her needs covered, she will be able to cover theirs.

When self-care is not enough

Thanks to the fact that “good mother” stereotypes have been demolished that said that she should leave everything for her children, today there is a lot of information and advice about what we can do each to nurture and take care of ourselves. But nevertheless, In some cases, self-care is not enough, and it takes more than that for a mother to be well.

And being a mother, despite being a wonderful experience, can be very difficult. Physical exhaustion and mental burden caused by everything we do, including that invisible day-to-day work can end up undermining our emotional health.

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Then, we can understand that an hour alone, a massage, a mask, a long bath or a nap, which are some of typical self-care tips, they cannot compensate for the accumulated exhaustion of days, weeks, months or even years. But do you know what can make up for it? Making changes in our daily life and routine, and integrating more people.

The first step, and sometimes the most difficult, is accept that we can't all alone. We are human, not robots. We have physical and emotional needs that must be met. And honestly, we cannot continue with that idea that a mother can do it all alone.

The second step, and that can also be difficult because we don't know how to do it, is ask for help. We have a hard time doing it for various reasons (we don't want them to think that we can't do things, we don't want to bother, etc.), but it is certainly something that all people should understand: it's okay to ask for help.

We must talk with our family, partner and friends, start raise awareness about how necessary and important it is for all mothers to feel supported, heard and nurtured. And this will only be achieved by raising our voice and sharing our feelings with the people around us.

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Because if, we can use self-care to feel better, but this is not always enough. Mothers also need love and support, instead of feeling pressured to want to achieve everything and try to meet those expectations and social pressure that have been imposed on us.

Photos | iStock

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